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WITI PERSONAL GROWTH
Don't Let A Fear Of Failure Derail You
1. You have heard the expression, "Anything worth doing is worth doing well." Here's your new motto: "Anything worth doing is worth being willing to do badly." If something is important to you then you have got to be willing to try it, even knowing that you may fail. If you have the attitude that you can't do something unless you can do it well, or perfectly, then you will never take a step. Be willing to take the step. 2. Consider the words of Saint Francis of Assisi (1182-1226): "Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible." Action breeds more action, and soon you are rolling right along. 3. Instead of trying to "think" your way out of a "stuck" situation, try "acting" your way out. Fear of failure feeds on over-analysis, excessive "What if?" thinking and second-guessing. Sometimes you just need to get into action, to overcome the inertia and start the momentum. Once you're moving, it is easy to correct your path - it's the getting started that's the hard part. But when you act, have a solution in mind. Don't just run around taking massive action. Act in small ways that give you a chance to experience successes so that you will gain confidence and be able to say to yourself, "OK, I am able to make good decisions." 4. Recognize that sometimes a fear of failure comes disguised as a fear of success. I had a brilliant writer as a coaching client, who was afraid to try to get her novel published. Why? Because she feared she might actually succeed in getting published and have a wildly successful book and THEN she would be expected to "do it again." She was afraid she would fail the second time around - fail to meet the high expectations created by the success of her first book. Ask yourself if your fear of success is actually a manifestation of an underlying fear of failure - if it is, then you can use the tools and techniques discussed in this article to let go of, and move past, the underlying fear of failure. 5. You can lessen your fear of failure by actively creating your own self-esteem. Some people believe that their fear of failure will go away if they just "get" some confidence or self esteem first. Their reasoning is that if they can first feel better about themselves, the prospect of failure will not feel so threatening and then they will be able to take action. Certainly in some cases therapy is required to uncover and heal a source of low self-esteem that is rooted in a traumatic past. However, in many other cases, the problem of low self-esteem is best solved in the reverse direction. In these cases, self esteem can more productively be viewed as a muscle that builds when you take action and see yourself making smart decisions and achieving successes (no matter how small). In these cases self-esteem follows action, it does not precede it. 6. Rethink your concern about what other people think of you. Most people fear "failing" because they are afraid of what other people will think. They have a need to be "thought well of," respected and liked. They are afraid of being found lacking or "found out"; for example, "I am afraid that my husband will find out I am not as great as he thinks I am." Realize that people who truly care about you love you for WHO YOU ARE, not WHAT YOU DO (isn't that how you feel about them?). Realize, too, that we all suffer to some degree from the imposter syndrome - that feeling that we are really not as competent and skilled as others believe us to be and that others are going to find out we are just "faking it." Since almost everyone feels this way too, why should it stop you? Look at the record. Have you been found out so far? 7. Accept that failure is a natural part of the process of learning anything. "You try things, some work, some don't, and you do more of what works." This is the simple formula for learning - this is the simple formula for success. If you aren't willing to make mistakes or "fail" then you basically aren't willing to learn and grow. With the rapid pace of change in the world today, it is essential to commit to becoming a life-long learner. You need to be willing to be a novice again and risk making mistakes. 8. Learn to fail gracefully. In many sports (e.g., skiing, skating, football) it is extremely important to learn how to take a fall and to recover gracefully. Have you ever watched an Olympic ice skating competition and witnessed a spectacular fall? What did the athlete do? Lay on the ground in a heap or throw a fit? Not likely. They got back up and continued on and their grace under pressure sparked great admiration in you and the rest of the crowd. Think of yourself as an athlete who can benefit from learning to take a fall with style and grace and then get right back up and continue. 9. Insulate yourself from the consequences of your failures. You're headed to Las Vegas for a gambling trip. You say to yourself, "I am going to set aside $200 for gambling money - when it runs out I will quit." Hopefully what you are doing in this situation is identifying an amount of money that you feel you can "afford to lose." By putting limits on what you are willing to bet you are insulating yourself from unrecoverable catastrophic failure. When you take on new endeavors, you can use the same technique: decide how much to "bet" financially, emotionally, and time wise. Know up front what you can afford to lose and set appropriate limits. 10. Expand your definition of success. Many times we judge ourselves as having failed when we interpret success too narrowly. For example, unemployed people who are job hunting quite often get fixated on one particular opportunity and decide that they must get THAT ONE specific position. When they don't get it they feel they have failed and go into a tailspin. In reality, the larger picture is that they don't need that particular job; they just need a suitable job. 11. Find some inspiring role models that have experienced spectacular failures before they eventually achieved success. The book "Failing Forward" by John Maxwell describes how a variety of well-known and not-so-well known people have forged ahead despite obstacles that could have derailed them. 12. Try substituting the concept of "temporary defeat" or "temporary setback" for the concept of failure. One of the most common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat. Napoleon Hill (author of Think and Grow Rich) says, "Failure is a trickster with a keen sense of irony and cunning. It takes great delight in tripping one when success is almost within reach." Thomas Alva Edison (the American inventor) addressed the same concept when he said, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." Remember that simple persistence will often be just what it takes to get you across the finish line to success. 13. Failure isn't personal - it just feels that way. Many people take criticism personally and they likewise take failure personally. Realize that many times failure is not personal, it just happens. For example, I knew a brilliant inventor who conceived and built a revolutionary new household product. Unfortunately, the cost of manufacturing the product was higher than the price the product could command in the marketplace. Consequently, the business did not succeed. Did that mean the product was not good? Did that mean that the inventor was not smart? NO! It simply meant the technology was too expensive for popular tastes. Another example: Your company is downsizing and you are laid off and have a hard time finding a job in a tough economy. Does that mean you are incompetent, unskilled, or a bad employee? No! It's not personal, it's just business. 14. Watch your language. The words we use to describe what we do and what happens to us carry huge implications for how we perceive ourselves and our actions. For example, feel the difference in the following statements:
What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.
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You're stuck. Frozen. Can't seem to move forward. What's stopping you? Is it because you're afraid you might fail? Here are some ways to blast through the blockage and get on with it.