Many people are unhappy in their work place. Tolstoy felt all unhappy families were different, but when it comes to our working lives there are recurrent patterns of discontented, inauthentic behaviour. Unhappy patterns include quitting and staying, getting caught in the trappings of success and being in opposition - the state I will focus on in this article. By recognizing these discontented patterns, we can transcend them.

Falling into the state of opposition is like falling into a trance. No one consciously chooses this state, it's just where some individuals end up, sometimes languishing there for years. People in opposition don't like how their employing organization works and have the courage to say so. They usually have a story like "In this firm only the bosses' friends are rewarded," or "This group just doesn't know how to plan" or "We always jump on the latest bandwagon, and it always fails. The story line becomes their theme song, and they always find a soapbox to get up on to tell their story.

People in opposition says things like,

• "I told them it wouldn't work.
• "They never listen to me."
• "I know the right way to do this."
• "They're wrong." There is something positive coming from people who have gone into opposition. Rather than just nodding, "Yes, sir. Good idea, sir. OK, sir," they point out - relentlessly - that things are not being done the right way. This positive kernel can be hard to detect because it gets wrapped in a thick shell of increasingly bitter complaining. People in opposition will repeat the same complaints, argue the same points, and nothing will change. Ten years from now they'll just be crabby Maria or angry Brett - a caricature of themselves.

  Interestingly, the people in opposition know this. They know their "tactics" are not working to drive change. There will never, ever be a day when the organization suddenly switches gear and says, "You were right! We should have listened to you! We'll value your insights from now on!"

  Missing the Chance
  I knew one manager who after years of success on the corporate ladder was hit "out of the blue" with a harassment suit. Of course, it didn't seem so "out of the blue" to anyone else. The manager had a history of being abrasive, even abusive, particularly to women. To him, it was just a management style. However, he had gone out-of-bounds frequently enough that the complainant had a substantive case.

  This should have been the proverbial wake-up call: "Man, I had no idea that people felt that way about my behaviour." Instead, he went into opposition, vowing to fight the case to the bitter end. He now had a story:

  • "They've done me wrong."
  • "They don't understand me."
  • "I won't let them beat me."
  • "Business is tough, and I'm tough, and that's how it's gotta be."
  Once he committed to that story, there was no possible win in it for him or anyone else. The suit was an opportunity to recognize a blind spot, his unawareness of how others perceived his treatment of his team members and his "management style". This recognition could have transformed him into a better, more effective manager. He missed his chance.

  Seeing Past the Blind Spots
  Most people in opposition don't have such nasty blind spots, but the blind spots are there nonetheless. Those in opposition simply cannot see beyond their "trance" and are stuck in repetitive patterns even though they know those behaviours will not improve anything for themselves or anyone else. They need a way to see past the blind spots.

  The first step to recognizing those blind spots and moving out of opposition is to declare a breakdown. Simply admit, "This isn't working, and I don't know how to fix it." This is so obvious, it hardly seems worth mentioning; yet it is rare for people to declare a breakdown.

  The second step is to stop focusing on "I". Stop saying, "I was ignored. I was right. I knew the answer." Instead, focus on "we". What would help the team? What do the others think about this? Why does management view things differently from me?

  The third step - and I really should stop talking about steps because these things are not so linear - is to decide to be proactive. Stop reacting with predictable outrage to events. Instead, ask yourself, "What can I do to make things better?"

  I call this is "intentionality". You begin doing things with a clear sense of what you want to achieve and how your actions can help to achieve it. Now, you are out of the trance of opposition. You're seeing past your blind spots. You are now inquiring into what you don't know or don't understand and determining what actions will be helpful.

  Making A Difference
  Imagine an engineer in opposition because her company habitually chooses the cheapest technology instead of the appropriate technology. In opposition, she would be saying,

  • "I told them to buy system X instead."
  • "This is going to be impossible to maintain."
  • "I'm the only one who really understands this stuff."
  In breakdown this engineer would say,
  • "I'm not contributing to a solution."
  • "I don't understand why this keeps happening."
  • "I don't know what to do."
  In breakthrough she would ask,
  • "What will help the team make better technology decisions?"
  • "What leads management to make a choice that differs from the choice I would have made?"
  • "How can I help?"
  Once the engineer is able to see beyond her blind spots, she may find that management has good reasons for their technology choices. Or, she may discover that the team simply needs a methodology so that they can better understand the pros and cons of various technology choices. Perhaps technology is not the important issue, and there is a larger problem the engineer could help with.

  Choose your direction
  Being in opposition requires a certain amount of smarts and independent thinking. Quite often those in opposition are right - it really was a bad idea, no one listened, and it didn't work. However, there is little pleasure and no productivity in opposition. When we find others or ourselves in opposition, we should be quick to recognize the state for what it is and declare a breakdown. Breakthrough is always a possibility.

  It all comes down to a personal commitment to setting the direction of your life. It's about shaking off the trance of opposition and deciding, "I don't want to be living my life like this - and I don't have to. I can be making a difference."

  Barbara Annis is the world's leading gender specialist. Her most recent book, Same Words, Different Language, offers a fascinating and practical guide to how gender differences at work lead to misunderstandings - and what you can do about it. She will be speaking at WITI's upcoming National Conference.
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