As a Coach I must admit that I have a natural love of big, powerful, evocative questions - the kind that can help my clients to:

Increase their awareness and clarify their thinking

Shine the light of consciousness on previously unquestioned beliefs, assumptions, and points of view that have unnecessarily closed down their thinking and limited their possibilities

Spark spontaneous shifts to new more empowering points of view

Help them discover what they really want to bring into, or let go of, in their lives (i.e., create their own definition of success)

Create powerful strategies and plans for going after and getting what they want

Get into action, and follow through

Capture, claim, and leverage lessons from their own personal experiences

Questions are a powerful tool for doing all of these things. I find them to be one of the most valuable tools in my coaching tool kit. However, they are also powerful tools that you can use with yourself. Here are some thoughts about why questions work so well and what questions you might want to ask yourself when you find yourself stuck, confused, or at a loss as to the best way to move forward in a given situation.

Why Questions Work So Well
Most of us are naturally inclined to answer questions that are posed to us. If they are honest and sensitive inquires we usually feel little resistance to answering them. We tend to respond to questions in a much more positive way than to pointed advice, requests, or demands.

If you are like me you have a natural aversion to someone telling you what to do! When someone tells us to do something we can just feel the resistance building - Why should I? Who says I have to? Who are you to tell me what to do? The funny thing is, we tend to use this "telling" rather than "asking" approach even when we are dealing with ourselves. We drive ourselves like horses - "You should go here. You should do this." We become simultaneously the demanding jockey and the resistant racehorse.

Rather than telling yourself what to do, sometimes you can achieve a much more effortless and compelling result by simply asking yourself the right questions and listening deeply to your own answers.

Here are nine of my favorite framework-rattling questions, followed by a quick comment on types of questions you may want to avoid.

A question to ask when you want something but aren't sure exactly what it is.
Sometimes you have a vague idea that you want something different in your life. Something is "not right"; you're feeling uneasy or dissatisfied but aren't sure exactly why. You try to chose the best word you can to describe what is bothering you, but aren't sure exactly what it means. "I'm bored!" you say. Or, "I'm scared". Or "I'm dissatisfied". You want to get un-bored (or unafraid, or satisfied) but you are not sure how to make it happen. Try asking yourself the following question: "What would look significantly different in my life if I was not bored/afraid/dissatisfied?" Sometimes your answer to this question can shed some light on what it is you are really seeking and start you on a path moving toward it.

A question to help you recognize and capture opportunities.
Many of us are natural "problem solvers" and so we have a tendency to focus on the challenge or trouble we see in a situation as opposed to the possibilities it might offer. Here is a question you can ask yourself to shift your thinking and energy from the negative to the positive aspects of any given situation: "Assuming your life is perfect right now, what opportunities are available to you?"

A question to help you mine the gold from your life experiences.
We all have positive and negative experiences every day. Often we let them pass on by without giving them much conscious thought. To really help you catch the lessons and inspiration from your experiences, try asking yourself the following question on a regular basis: "What happened here that I want to capture and claim?"

A question to ask when you find yourself unable to break a habit that annoys you.
We humans form habits quite easily. Anything you do consistently for about 28 days will tend to become a habit. Habits are wonderful when they are positive and life enhancing (e.g., the habit of eating healthy food, or exercising, or brushing your teeth), but they can be a real pain when they are not what you really want to do (for example, the habit of overeating, being disorganized, or not listening). When you find yourself in the grip of a personal habit that you really want to change, you can sometimes energize the change process by asking yourself the following question: "How is continuing this behavior serving me?" Even habits we hate serve some purpose in our lives. If you can find out what personal need this particular behavior is meeting in your life, you can set about to find a more positive way to accomplish the same thing.

A question to ask yourself if you are not doing what you want to do.
Many times we know that we are not doing what we want to do in our life or in our work but we continue to do it anyway. Examples of this are working at a job we hate or continuing a relationship that we find hurtful. There are lots of things that keep us stuck in these unrewarding situations, one of the most potent of which is fear (e.g., fear of loss, fear of the unknown). Often these fears are nebulous and unnamed. One way to start to get a handle on exactly what is keeping you stuck is to ask yourself, "What do you feel you have at stake in this situation?" When you have answered this question to the best of your ability, then move on to a second powerful question, "What are the consequences of NOT changing this behavior or situation?"

A question to help you blast though the barriers you put in your own way.
We all tend to label ourselves. Some of these labels are positive (I am good with people, I am a good communicator, I am creative) and some are negative (e.g., I am insecure, I am afraid, I am disorganized). These negative labels create blocks to our creative thoughts and actions because we tend to assume there are things we cannot do because of our shortcomings. To open your mind up to a world beyond your self-imposed limitations, take your personal negative label, insert it at the blank space in the following question, and then answer the question: "What would I do if I were NOT _________ (afraid, disorganized, insecure, etc.)?" Look at your answer and then plot a path to do just what you said!

A question to help you uncover your personal strengths and your greatness.
Spending time thinking about your own strengths and talents can feel self-indulgent. But I am going to ask you to shift your thinking to embrace the idea that your unique talents and abilities are the gift you have to offer the world - so it is vitally important that you know what they are. Try asking yourself, without shyness or discomfort, the following questions: "What strengths, magic, and greatness do I have? What strengths have brought me to the achievements I have had to this point in my life? What has made me a great ______ (insert your own word - parent, husband, wife, vice president, business owner, etc.)?" Even if you can't immediately think of all the answers it will start you thinking about yourself in a new and positive way, instead of focusing on the gaps you think you have to fill or the weaknesses you feel you have to overcome.

A question that will help you reclaim your personal power when you are feeling out of control.
Often times when things do not seem to be going our way we feel like helpless victims. We seem to be buffeted by people and events beyond our control. At such times we tend to lose sight of the fact that we do have choices we can make that can significantly impact the course of what is happening to us. When you find yourself feeling like a victim, consciously ask yourself the following questions:

• "Where exactly in this situation do I have the opportunity to make choices?"
• "What specifically are my potential choices? (e.g., "I can choose X or Y"),
and
• "What do I choose to do that will take me in the direction I want to go?"

Your answers are the key to reclaiming your personal power in the situation.

A question to ask to get a broader perspective on a current issue or problem.
Much of the time we tend to focus our attention and our energy on situational issues - things that are happening or not happening in the moment that we want to "fix". Thus, the majority of questions we ask ourselves are, "What do I want to do?" questions. Every now and again it is extremely valuable to stop and step back, even in the midst of a current "situation", and ask yourself a much larger question: "Who do I want to be?" Your answers to this larger "big picture" question can help establish a broader context for how to proceed. It is always easier to discover what you want to do in any given situation when you are firmly grounded in who you want to be in the situation and in the world.

Questions you may want to avoid.
"Why?" questions can be a little tricky. We often use "Why?" questions when we want to punish someone else or beat ourselves up: "Why did you do that?" "Why did you think that?" "Why?" questions appear to call into question our thinking or our judgment. For this reason we often feel resistant to "Why?" questions. Often times you are better off asking yourself "What?" questions (e.g., "What is stopping me?" or "What is getting in my way?" or "What resources do I need to proceed?") or even "Who?" or "How?" questions. Unless you can truly ask yourself a "Why?" question without reproach, simply reframe the question in a different context (e.g., What? Who? How?).

Enjoy the power of asking yourself questions. Your answers can truly transform your life.

What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.

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