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WITI PERSONAL GROWTH
Changing Your "Story" Can Change Your Life
We live in these stories that we create in our mind - they are our reality. The actual experiences that occur in our lives are intrinsically meaningless. It is the stories that we make up about our experiences that create and carry meaning and shape our lives. What happens when we don't recognize our own role in the creation of our reality? What happens when we do? When you fail to recognize your role in defining the reality of your own life several things happen: 1. You struggle to find the "truth" When you don't realize, or forget, that you are the creator of your own story you assume that there is some absolute "truth" for every situation, and you struggle to discover it. You ask yourself questions like: "Why did this bad thing happen to me?" or "How could he say such a hurtful thing?" or "Why doesn't he care for me?" It does not occur to you to question the implicit assumptions you are making that underlay your questions (i.e., that what happened was "bad"; that the remark you heard was intended to be hurtful; that the other person really doesn't care). You see your statements and your questions as based on "fact" and ignore the alternative that they are really based on personal interpretation. 2. You take things personally When someone says they like you, you think it is because you are likeable. When someone says they hate you, you think it is because you are unlovable. When someone is angry with you, you believe it is because of something you said or did. You see yourself as the cause of all that happens to you and around you. Whatever occurs you think, "This is about me" (i.e., a result of what I did, what I said, who I am). You forget that often what happens between you and other people is "about them" - the other person, their personal story, their issues. 3. You feel compelled to defend your stories Your stories act as a powerful force in your life even when you don't realize your role in creating them. You not only believe them, you act based upon them, and you defend them against others who would dare to tell you they aren't necessarily true. 4. You become a victim of your own stories Your personal beliefs, assumptions and frameworks (many of which you learned as a child growing up) influence the stories you construct. When you are unaware of these personal biases, or don't recognize them for what they are, they become your prisons. They dictate how you think about and approach each new experience in your life, what options or possibilities you see for yourself, and what decisions you make. The following are simple examples of how easy it is to become a victim of an unconscious belief or framework: Example: You grow up accepting the framework that, "All risk is bad and should be avoided." Imagine how this one piece of your "story" can affect the decisions you make about your career and relationships. If you are not aware of this unconscious framework, you are powerless to change it to a more empowering one such as, "All risk is reducible." Example: You grow up believing that, "Money is the root of all evil." Imagine how this unconscious belief will play itself out in your financial life - in your ability to acquire, create, and enjoy wealth. If you are not consciously aware of your part in buying into this underlying belief, you are unable to shift it to a more empowering belief such as, "Money is great because it allows me to take care of myself and my family." Example: You internalize an expectation about how someone who cares for you should act to prove his or her affection. Then someone you care about doesn't act in the way you expect. You create a story that says, "They don't care," and respond accordingly. You become a victim of your own story - creating actions and reactions based on your personal assumptions. You never think to question the "truth" of your story, or acknowledge that the other person might be responding not to you but to his or her own story. Example: You grow up accepting a definition of success that is based on external factors (e.g., your title, salary, promotions, praise, wealth). This becomes part of your story. When you don't obtain the things you think you should have you label yourself a failure (another part of your story). You become a victim of this story, and your self-worth fluctuates at the whim of others who are the givers or withholders of the external validation you seek. You live a very different life when you come to accept that you have the power to create your own stories: 1. You understand the subjective nature of truth When you acknowledge, and accept responsibility for, creating your own stories, this frees you to allow others to create their own stories. You accept that there are as many definitions of "truth" as there are people in the world. 2. You free yourself from the need for external validation When you realize that you can create your own definition of success you stop seeking approval, acknowledgement, validation, reinforcement, agreement, appreciation, self worth or self-esteem from anyone else. When you are in control of your own story, you are in control of your life. 3. You feel free to adapt more empowering beliefs and frameworks When you recognize that you are the creator of the stories that powerfully affect how you live your life you gain the freedom to change or drop parts of your story that don't serve you. You can then seek out and adopt new empowering beliefs and frameworks that open up new avenues for growth, exploration, enrichment, and joy. For example, you can walk away from the belief that says, "If I am a competent person I must always have the answers," to one that says, "I know the answers are out there somewhere, and I can find them." When you accept that you are the author of your own stories then you have the power to write yourself a great life!
What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.
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