Right now there is an unseen force acting in your life, influencing you and all those who come into contact with you, yet chances are you are giving it little attention. It runs like an undercurrent in the river of your life, silently but surely affecting the "flow" of your actions, and reactions, and the nature of your relationships. This force is called "emotion." Sure you are aware at some level that you "have" emotions, but have you ever really thought about how they play out in your life? Until you do, you will not be in a position to take control of your life or make the changes that you want to make. So let's take a moment to explore the power and complexity of our emotions and the effects they have in our lives.

What are the key elements of emotions?
To understand the effect of our emotions it is important to first recognize three of the key elements that empower them:

1. They are our "subjective" reactions, pleasurable or unpleasurable, to a situation.

2. They involve both physical as well as mental/psychical manifestations.

3. They usually imply an absence of reasoning. (That is not to say that emotions can't be triggered by thinking - for example you witness an injustice and it makes you mad - but the emotion itself is a "response" or "reaction" triggered by some stimulus, and once it is unleashed proceeds independent of our reasoning.)

Here are some of the many ways that emotions can profoundly affect your life:

• Emotions drive your behavior
  
  In my last newsletter I noted that the natural pattern of response to any situation is not simply "stimulus-response"; it is "stimulus-interpretation-response". In truth there is another layer of complexity that is introduced because we all experience emotions. The more accurate description of the pattern is "stimulus-interpretation-EMOTION-response." Something happens; we interpret it based on our personal set of beliefs, assumptions and filters; this interpretation triggers an emotion in us (based upon our upbringing and experiences); and then we respond. By the time our emotions kick in, what is set in motion is the automatic playing out of a "script" - our conditioned response to whatever emotion has been triggered. For example, if fear is triggered, then our script may be to shut down, freeze or stop. If anger is triggered, our script may be to "automatically" lash out, either physically or verbally. Because emotions are not "reasoned" responses, and because they pack a physical/physiological wallop (e.g., involve adrenaline, etc.) we often give in to them because we feel that if we don't let them out we will explode!



• Emotions can be the key to finding what you really want to do with your life
  
  Because I specialize in Coaching people who want to redesign their lives and careers, a question I frequently hear is, "How do I go about discovering what I want to do with my life?" Those who ask this question have often spent frustrating months or even years engaging in the intellectual exercise of trying to logically think out what options might be available to them. It never occurs to them that their own emotions might be a powerful tool to help them in the process. Here are two useful ways to harness the power of your emotions when looking to make a major life or career change:
  
  Ask what feeling you are after: When you are exploring what you want to bring into or let go of in your life, and you really strip it down to the bare bones, you are likely to find that what you are really after is a "feeling." If you are willing to straightforwardly ask yourself, "What is the feeling I am after?" you can often surface some powerful insights as to the attributes of the environments/situations that would most appeal to you.
  
  Use the power of visualization to engage your emotions in your search: When exploring an option, for example a new job or career path you are contemplating, try visualizing your ideal day in that situation. Engage as many of your senses as you can in picturing the scenario - sight, sound, smells, etc. When you bring your senses into the situation, you also engage your emotions, and you begin to actually "feel" what it would be like to be in the new situation. When your emotions enter the picture they serve as a powerful catalyst for change.



• Emotions are how other people remember us
  
  Emotions operate at two key levels in our relationships. First, they contribute to the general "impression" people form about us.Thus, when people think of you they tend to remember not only what you did or said, but also who they sense you are at an emotional level (e.g., passionate, dull, excited, angry, irritated). Perhaps even more importantly, people remember how you made THEM feel, the emotions you sparked in them. There is a wonderful quote by Carl W. Buechner which says, "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

How to throttle back the push and pull of your emotions
As you begin to understand how your emotions can unconsciously affect your life you may be inspired to want to take back some level of control. The key to doing so to is to learn the tools that will help you "interrupt the script" that automatically begins to play when your emotions are triggered. To interrupt the script you must bring your awareness - your attention, conscious thought, and powers of decision and choice - to the situation. Initially you may not be able to "interrupt the script" at the beginning, and may have to begin to take back control by analyzing situations after the fact; for example by asking yourself, "What the heck just happened here?" As you become more skilled at "interrupting the script" you will be able to do so in the moment, and disengage the script before it plays out. Here are some of the key steps to the process of disengaging your script(s).

1. Notice you emotions as they occur
The physical sensations that accompany your emotions are often your best clue that something is happening. Are you beginning to feel tightness in your neck or chest? A pit in your stomach? Tension in your muscles? Lightheaded? A pounding in your ears? Allow yourself to feel the feelings and not run away from them; this is the first step in breaking the cycle of automatic response.

2. Identify and name the emotions
See if you can put a name to the complex of feelings you are experiencing in your body. Strangely enough, people often mislabel their emotions and therefore end up responding inappropriately. People confuse their feelings and emotions all the time. They mistake being tired for being depressed, being upset with being bored, being envious with being angry, etc. See if you can identify what you are really feeling: Bored? Frightened? Overwhelmed? Powerless? Angry?

3. Re-interpret the situation
In the normal chain of events, our "interpretation" of a situation precedes the triggering of our emotions about that situation. Because once emotions are triggered their physiological elements (e.g., adrenaline response) are difficult to counteract, it is often easier to "interrupt the script" at the "interpretation" stage, before our emotions are in full swing. As you sense the first warning signs in your body, and begin to engage your thought processes and label what you are feeling, see if you can sustain that logical analytical mode a moment longer and re-interpret the situation, its nature, seriousness, or consequences. Ask yourself re-framing questions such as the following: "Is it really as bad/sad/etc. as I think?" "Is what I fear really a likely scenario in this situation?" "What is most important here?"

4. Change the physical reactions
Once your emotions kick in then their associated physiological reactions begin to take over. Key to retaining control at this stage is realizing that emotions involve "energy." That energy has to go somewhere. If you can redirect the energy, you can often defuse the situation in a harmless way (e.g., by physically getting yourself out of the situation, taking a walk, shutting yourself in your car and screaming, locking yourself in a bathroom stall and crying). Once the raw physical energy of the emotion is released then your more rational side will usually re-engage.

5. Hang around positive people
Because emotions are expressions of energy, they are "catching." Have you ever noticed how being around negative, pessimistic, angry or bored people is dispiriting and draining? You will improve your emotional equilibrium as you create and exchange positive energy in partnership with others.

A final thought
I am a great believer that awareness facilitates change. The more you become aware of how emotions create their effects in your life, the more you can do something about it.

What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.

Recent Posts:

Warning: main(/web/sites/www.witi.com/htdocs/users/discussion_board/conf_global.php) [function.main]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /system/web/lib/applications/discussion_board/htdocs/users/discussion_board/ssi.php on line 79