Who are you right now - this instant? What are you capable of?

What you think, how you interpret your situation, how you act, and the possibilities you see as available to you are all influenced by how you view yourself. When your self-image is out of date, then your feelings and actions are out of sync with reality and you experience unnecessary fears and anxiety, and repeat unsatisfying patterns of behavior. Learning how to keep your self-image up to date is a powerful tool that can free you from the constraints of the past.

Think for a moment about how quickly you form impressions of others when you first meet them. Some studies say that we form impressions of people in the first 3 minutes - some say in the first 15 seconds. Our brains are very efficient information processing systems and one key to this efficiency is simplification. We form opinions fast and stick with them unless we are forced to change.

We tend to do the same thing when we process information about ourselves. When we have a meaningful experience we form a set of associations in our brains that drive "conclusions" about who we are, what we can do, and what situations are dangerous for us. This process works well for us in situations where who we are and what we are capable of doing is fixed by our biology. For example: if you are a child, touch a hot stove, get burned and form the conclusion, "I am vulnerable to being burned by a hot stove and I had better not touch a hot stove again," this is a perfectly reasonable and useful piece of self knowledge. However, this process does not serve us well when it causes us to form unconscious associations and conclusions about who we are and what we can do in areas where we are capable of change and growth.

If your outdated self-image is a negative one, one that causes you to say about yourself, "I am not..." or "I cannot...", then it shuts down your ability to see the full range of possibilities that may exist in a situation, and your ability to make a reasoned choice about how you want to proceed. The worst part is that your outdated self-image may drive you at an unconscious level - making you feel uncomfortable, agitated, or anxious in a given situation or while contemplating a given alternative - without you being able to figure out why.

An outdated self-image gets formed and perpetuated in many ways, but here are three key factors: negative emotions, triggers, and a lack of conscious attention.

• Negative Emotions: Any situation that triggers strong emotions tends to form a lasting impression in our brains. When the emotions involved are negative ones (e.g., fear, anxiety, helplessness, vulnerability), they create fertile ground for the development of a negative self-image. Thus for example, if as a child you were given a part in a school play, forgot your lines, and felt panicked, embarrassed, etc. an association was likely formed in your brain between speaking in public and feeling bad. Just as likely, a corresponding building block got added to your evolving self-image that said, "I am not good at speaking in front of people."



• Triggers: Your negative self-image gets triggered each time you find yourself in a similar situation as the one that created it in the first place. Continuing with the example from above, let's say you are the person who feels "uncomfortable" speaking in front of others. Then each time you face the possibility of having to speak in public, this prospect triggers a replay of the old feelings and emotions. You may not remember the original situation (your childhood play) that created these emotions, but your brain makes the connection instantly between the situation and the emotions. It connects "talking in public" with "knot in the stomach, feeling of panic, etc." and these connections, once triggered, serve to "remind" you that you are NOT a person who speaks in public. The triggering process is automatic and mostly unconscious. It may never occur to you to ask, "What is my current reality? Who am I now, and what is my situation? Is my self-image current and up-to-date?"



• Lack of Conscious Attention: Unless you do something to stop them, these associations will occur each time you encounter a trigger. You will continue to think of yourself in terms of that same old concept - for example "not a public speaker." Strange as it may seem, your outdated self-image and its associated negative effects may exist even in the presence of quite obvious facts to the contrary.

Karin is totally burned out in her job and desperately wants to take a sabbatical to explore new career opportunities, but finds herself panicked at the thought. She remembers a time in her past when she was much younger and took a career risk and was badly burned. She has formed the association: take a career risk - get badly burned. She has formed the self-image: "not a risk taker." Yet in reality her current situation is vastly different than her prior one. At the time she took the original risk she had only one thing on her side - her enthusiasm. Now she has financial resources, marketable skills, etc., but has not yet fully updated her self-image to incorporate these new and powerful elements. Thus her current unsettled feeling about taking a sabbatical and examining new career opportunities is rooted in her outdated self-image.

Tom was terrified of being broke. Several years ago, when he was just out of college, he had started a business that failed, experienced bankruptcy, and suffered considerably due to his lack of funds. Never wanting to find himself back in that situation, fear became the predominant driver in his career. He started a new business, was very successful, amassed a substantial cash reserve, and developed a wide repertoire of marketable business skills, but still felt unable to take a vacation or stop driving so hard. His outdated self-image (as one who was likely to fall back into poverty) was ruining his life. It was not until he updated his self-image to reflect the current reality of his situation that he was able to take back control of his business and his life.

Judy (a senior corporate manager) listened to her daughter Sarah describe ethics problems she was observing at work. As she listened, Judy found herself drawn back into the emotions she personally experienced in a prior job where she too had encountered abusive and dishonest people. As her "old" self-image of being "powerless" and "vulnerable" surfaced, she began constructing negative interpretations of what was happening in her current job and she found herself wondering, "Should I quit?" It wasn't until she consciously brought herself up short, and reminded herself that she is no longer a powerless rookie employee, that she was able to rationally assess her situation and her real position and power within it.

Dave was absolutely crippled by a fear of financial insecurity. He wanted to change career directions, but felt he could not make a move for fear he would disrupt his current stream of income. A key belief embedded in his self-image was that he was financially insecure and vulnerable. I asked him during one of our coaching sessions, to take a look at all of his assets (house, investments, etc.) and tell me how long he thought he could survive and support himself if he lost his current job. His answer: 10 years. As he heard himself say the words and realized what they meant, a huge shift occurred in his self-image. He suddenly saw himself as someone with a significant strength in the area of financial security - a buffer that would protect him in all reasonable circumstances. His updated self-image freed him to investigate and experiment with new, more fulfilling, career opportunities.

The key to updating your self-image is to make it a conscious priority and a conscious process. Whenever you find yourself saying, "I can't..." or "I am not..." or feeling negative emotions in a situation (e.g., anxiety, fear, etc.), ask yourself the following questions: "What assumptions am I making about who I am and what I am capable of? Are these assumptions realistic and up-to-date given my current skills, abilities, strengths, support structure, environment, situation, etc.?" If not, then take a hard look at who you are now, and your current situation, and get connected with your updated reality. Sometimes, if you feel that you "don't really know who you are anymore" or can't step outside of your situation to obtain an objective perspective, it may be necessary to work with someone else (e.g., a Coach, counselor, objective friend) to help you see what you cannot see about yourself. When you get in touch with your new reality then consciously affirm your new self-image each time you find yourself in a triggering situation. Instead of unconsciously reacting with the same old patterns of negative emotions and avoidance, try consciously responding with a positive affirmation of your up-to-date self-image. For example: "I am financially secure," or "This person cannot destroy who I am," or "I have a marketable skill set," or "I am perfectly capable of speaking in public!"

What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.

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