Respect is both a feeling and an action. Thus, we can both "feel" respect (i.e., deference, honor or esteem for someone or something), and "show" respect (i.e., by treating someone/something with honor, deference, consideration, or courtesy). While we can have respect for lots of things (e.g., other people, institutions, traditions, ourselves) ultimately it all boils down to the same bottom line - respect for "people". After all, people are the creators and sustainers of institutions, traditions, etc. and when we feel or show respect or disrespect for these creations we are respecting or disrespecting the people who support and sustain them. Respect is personal; it is person-to-person. Respect is a gift you can give to yourself and others or withhold, but when it is withheld both the giver and receiver are diminished.

So what does it really mean to "respect" someone/something? Why is respect so important to us as humans? What can get in the way of your feeling and expressing heartfelt respect for others? And how can you enrich your life by enhancing your ability to respect yourself and others?

What does it mean to respect someone or something?

To respect someone or something does not mean you need to "agree" with them. To feel or show respect only requires your willingness to do three things: acknowledge, accept, and value.

Acknowledge: You can't respect someone/something you refuse to see or acknowledge. If there are people in your life who are "invisible" to you, if you close your mind to new and different ideas or practices, for you they simply do not exist. To feel or show respect for someone (or something) you must first recognize and acknowledge their existence.

Accept: You show respect for someone/something when you accept them for what they truly are - not for what you would like them to be, or what you would hope they will become. You accept their fineness and their flaws. You embrace them with your empathy and compassion.

Value: When you value someone (or something) you acknowledge their worth. You acknowledge that they are desirable or worthy of esteem for their own sake; you sense and honor their intrinsic value.

And now the other side of the equation:

When you don't respect others they are "off your radar," you don't accept them in your mind or heart, and you don't value them or their contributions. When you don't respect yourself you see yourself as insignificant, unworthy of love and acceptance, and worthless.

Why is respect so important to us as humans?

Have you ever noticed how strong a reaction you feel when someone disrespects you? Most of us react viscerally and instinctively - it's as if our very existence is being threatened. We feel disrespected when we are not listened to or heard, when we are not acknowledged, when our contributions are not recognized, when our thoughts and ideas are ignored or discounted, when we are passed over or passed by. Although we sometimes wonder why we react so strongly, it is actually quite understandable. If you remember that respect does not require agreement from another but only acknowledgment, acceptance, and valuing then when we are disrespected we are truly being shut out, shut down, excluded, and devalued.

Repeated studies have shown that being valued and appreciated are fundamental human motivators. We seek these things within our families, our social circles, and in our work environments. Thus, for example, surveys conducted to determine what employees want most from their jobs find that the answers are not simply top wages, job security, and promotion opportunities. Included at the top of the list are items such as: "To be treated with respect," "To be listened to and taken seriously," "To be appreciated, noticed, and recognized for the job done," "To be acknowledged and valued for the contribution made," "To make a difference in the team, company, and world."

Respect is key to our ability to function. Respect for ourselves is foundational to our self-esteem. Respect from those around us is essential to our ability to interact productively with them.

What can get in the way of your feeling and expressing heartfelt respect for others?

If respect for others simply requires us to acknowledge them, accept them, and value their uniqueness then why is it that we so often find ourselves being disrespectful? Unfortunately, disrespect is a "habit" that is easy to come by. It is fostered by the following circumstances:

• When we miss the key distinction that feeling and showing respect does NOT mean that we agree with, or endorse, someone or something.
• When we feel insecure or threatened by others and their ideas or ways of doing things.
• When we make snap judgments based on tiny snippets of information and generalize from there. For example, when we are quick to slap labels on people based on observing one short interchange or event; "That guy/gal is a jerk!" we find ourselves saying at the slightest provocation.
• When our own arrogance gets in the way.
• When we have not recognized or nurtured our ability to feel empathy or compassion for others.
• When we habitually make the worst possible interpretations of events.
• When we have allowed our selfishness to come to the fore. ("My way or the highway." We want it our way and we want it now Ð everybody else better get out of the way.)

How can you enrich your life by enhancing your ability to respect yourself and others?

When you learn to acknowledge, accept, and value yourself and others you fundamentally shift your perspective in a way that changes how you think and act.

For example, when you realize that you can acknowledge, accept, and value yourself even if you are not "perfect" then you create for yourself the loving, nurturing, and self-supporting environment that supports your personal growth and evolution. Here's how to start:

• Recognize the truth that you are unique in all the world. There is no one else on the planet that is exactly the same as you. Your uniqueness makes you special. Value and honor that uniqueness which shows up in how you look, think, and act.
• Have compassion for yourself; offer yourself that unconditional love that you may never have received from anyone else.
• Respect where you are in your personal evolution - realize that most of us do the best we can at any given time, even though that doesn't mean we can't do better in future. Stop looking at yourself as someone who is "broken" or needs to be fixed, and start thinking of yourself as someone who is continuously evolving, learning, and growing.

When you consciously practice acknowledging, accepting, and valuing others you open up the possibility for more meaningful interactions with them. Try adopting the perspective that the others you come in contact with may be doing the best they can at their level of personal evolution. Remember that they, like you, can still grow and change. It is even possible that simply by your giving them the gift of your respect you will foster that growth. Here are some places to start:

• Value differences. It's a good thing that we are not all the same and don't share the same thoughts, convictions, and approaches.
• Try to see the whole picture - don't let time pressure or your busyness drive you to make snap judgments of others and over-generalize or stereotype.
• Try being unconditionally constructive in how you communicate with others. That does not mean being unrealistic, over-praising, or falsely flattering. It does mean speaking in ways that support and strengthen the other person rather than undermining them.
• Realize that having empathy and compassion for others is not a sign of weakness - it is a sign of strength.

It's a simple fact of life. We like and respect people who like and respect us, and we dislike people that don't like or respect us. If you send a message of disrespect you will alienate others and isolate yourself.

Respect is at its core a simple gift. It acknowledges the other person's humanness and uniqueness. Ultimately only you can decide who or what is "deserving" of your respect. But ask yourself, "Is respect a gift I give only to those who do look like I do, act like I do, believe as I do, think like I do, and do what I want them to do?" Is it possible that you could broaden the list of those to whom you offer this gift? It's a question worth asking because the return on investment is so high. Giving the gift of your respect opens you up as a person, honors the others who have the good fortune to come in contact with you, enhances your own self-esteem, and allows you to fully receive the gift of respect that others offer to you.

What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.

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