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WITI PERSONAL GROWTH
Are You Swimming in the Wrong Pond?
When you find that you are not experiencing the success, sense of comfort, fulfillment, etc. that you are seeking but are not sure why, then you might want to check your environment for clues. Sometimes we just end up in the wrong pond. Let me share with you some specific examples of how profoundly the wrong environment can negatively impact your career and personal life, and what to look for to determine if a change in environment might be just want you need. Deadly Career Ponds Work environments are not necessarily inherently "good" or "bad" in and of themselves, but they may definitely be good or bad for YOU, given who you are, your natural skills and abilities, and how you work best. Here are two examples. About a year ago I coached a woman named Susan (not her real name) who was a Business Development Manager at a well-respected company that sold consulting services. She specifically chose to work for that company because they believed in always putting the needs of the customer first - an orientation that Susan also fervently believed in. She received good reviews for her client-centered relationship management skills but was not progressing rapidly in her career and was personally feeling very dissatisfied. When she came to coaching she was convinced that she needed to switch her job path to become a Project Manager in her company as opposed to a business development specialist. The interesting thing was that when we talked about the skills that would be required to be a Project Manager they were NOT the skills that came naturally to Susan or that she enjoyed. Even more interesting, her natural skills and abilities and desires were a perfect fit for her business development role. Yet every time she showed up at a coaching call she would say, "I need to be a Project Manager, I need to sound like a Project Manager, I need to think like a Project manager." It didn't take long for me to spot the problem - from side comments that Susan made during our calls it became obvious that the problem lay in the fact that her company did not VALUE business development folks - what they valued were their Project Managers. The company viewed business development or any kind of "selling" activities as a necessary evil - what they prided themselves on was the quality of their service delivery and their Project Managers were the ones who delivered the quality services. Subtly, and without realizing it, Susan had absorbed a core message from her environment - to be someone important here, to be valued here, you need to be a Project Manager. Now there are plenty of other companies where the Business Development people are considered the "stars" and the Program Managers are considered simply the "foot soldiers" but this was not one of them. Simply put Susan's environment did not value her skills. Being someone who wanted to succeed, Susan had correctly (although completely unconsciously) absorbed the message about what she needed to do to be successful and it had distorted her perceptions as to what she thought she wanted to do. What she really needed (and was able to find) was a new pond where the environment supported her natural abilities. A quick second example: I coached a controller for a major non-profit health provider. He loved what he did but was very frustrated because he felt he was never listened to by the other members of the senior management team, and hence his good ideas were often ignored. Here again, the root of the problem turned out to be an environmental one - and it was one that he had not consciously recognized at all: every member of the senior management team except him were indirect communicators. They communicated by hints, innuendos, and subtle suggestions - while my client was a very direct communicator - he said exactly what he thought. The source of the disconnect was not in the type of work he was doing - his tasks exactly fit his skills and talents and what he liked to do best - it was the environment that was not a good fit for him. The bottom line for assessing work ponds: If you find yourself dissatisfied in your job, not as successful as you would like to be, or confused as to "what the problem really is," don't forget to check your environment for clues. Don't be surprised, however, if environmental problems are difficult to spot. Because you are embedded in the environment you may not be able to spot its affects and may need to seek out someone with an outside objective perspective to help you. Deadly Personal Relationship Ponds The subtle affects of "environments" are just as important in our personal relationships as they are in our jobs. In personal relationships the factors that affect the pond water are things such as the attitudes, assumptions, beliefs and behaviors of others. Certainly some of the environmental factors are obvious - the most obvious being the behaviors of others. If someone is constantly yelling at you you are probably very aware of the fact that this makes you uncomfortable, and that it is not such a great thing for your sense of well-being or for your self worth. On the other hand, there are many other subtle environmental factors embedded in the attitudes and assumptions of others that are not as obvious. Here are two quick examples: Suppose you are a creative person always full of new ideas you want to share - and the others with whom you share your personal space have the attitude that "things never work out." Or suppose you are a logic-based thinker who enjoys talking through problems to work out solutions - but the others around you offer only their opinions without a shred of evidence or supporting facts. Because we are wired to be social creatures, we often without knowing it torque our thoughts and behaviors so that we can connect better - so that we can be "more compatible." But in the grand scheme of things it may be vitally more important for you to think through whether your current relationships are the right pond for you. The Bottom Line: The work and personal relationship environment you "swim in" profoundly affect your thoughts, feelings, and actions. When you are in the wrong pond you may feel "out of sorts" without knowing exactly why. When your environment values other skills and abilities than you possess, or subtly rewards behaviors you are not comfortable with, problems can arise. It is natural to want to "fit in" so your first unconscious reaction may be to change yourself. But it is important to get clear on what is going on and to ask yourself, "Do I really need to change or do I just need to get out of this toxic pond?"
What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.
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When you look at fish it is obvious how affected they are by the health of their environment - the water they swim in. If they are swimming in a pond where the water is polluted, or the pond is choked with weeds, or where there are nasty predators waiting to eat them - their behavior will be desperate, furtive, and survival-focused. We humans are not so different. We swim in the environments of our jobs and relationships - and when the conditions of these environments are not right for us, they affect our sense of well-being and our actions just as surely as the nature of the water they swim in affects fish.