When you embark on a path of personal or professional growth you expect to see progress. You might be willing to accept the fact that important life changes take time and forward progress may be slow, but you certainly do not expect to move "backwards." Yet in my experience of working with those who are redesigning their lives, careers, or businesses I see an interesting phenomenon occur over and over. Even when my clients are making tremendous positive changes they often can't see it for themselves. In fact, the very signs that indicate they are making progress they interpret the wrong way. Here are four examples of "signs" that, if you understand how to interpret them, can tell you when you are on the right path. These are also four signs that are most often misunderstood and misinterpreted.

1. You lose the sense of feeling pressured and driven

What is going on:

You find yourself getting things done without a feeling of pushing or driving yourself. You may experience a laid back "La De Dah" feeling. You may also notice that you have completed projects that, in the past, you would have labeled "not highly productive" - such as cleaning out your closets or filing cabinets at work - and instead of feeling stressed out because you "wasted time," you feel good about what you did.

What you fear is happening - the common misinterpretation:

I must be getting lazy.

I must be burning out.

What is really happening:

You are making tremendous progress in several areas including the following:

2. You stop feeling guilty when you don't push yourself continuously

What is going on:

Along with feeling less pressured and driven (as in sign 1, above) you also notice that you don't feel guilty when you aren't pushing yourself continuously.

What you fear is happening - the common misinterpretation:

There must be something wrong with me - I must not care anymore.

What is really happening:

You are internalizing the knowledge that guilt is not a sign of caring. Guilt is simply (according to Deepak Chopra) "unexpressed anger, directed against yourself and held within." Guilt is usually associated with the "shoulds" in your life - things that other people feel you should be doing. As you strengthen your ability to feel comfortable listing to your own wisdom and trusting and acting on your own advice, you are able to move forward in a manner and at a pace of your own choosing - and there is no guilt associated with your decisions and actions.

3. You find yourself having more conflicts with other people, including your friends and colleagues at work

What is going on:

This sign usually shows up when you are embarked on a journey that involves increasing your level of self esteem. This sign is especially likely to occur if in the past you were a "mouse" uncomfortable expressing your own thoughts or opinions, or if you were a "people pleaser." All of a sudden you notice that people around you are "reacting" - arguing with you and crossing your boundaries.

What you fear is happening - the common misinterpretation:

There must be something really wrong with me. I must be an idiot or a moron.

What is really happening:

Your self confidence is growing and as a result you are willing to put yourself in situations where you share your opinion and make decisions - situations where you will be likely to encounter resistance and conflict.

Here is the progression that is occurring. When your self esteem is low you don't put yourself "out there." You have no personal boundaries so you never notice when people cross them. Because you don't trust or value yourself, you don't feel comfortable sharing your opinion or putting yourself in leadership positions where you have to make decisions and take action. You don't want to be in a situation where you might lose friends or take an unpopular position.

As your self esteem increases you will just naturally be willing to express your own thoughts and opinions and recognize that they are just as valuable as everyone else's. You may willingly take on positions of authority and responsibility which require you to share your thoughts and make decisions. But in sharing your thoughts and opinions you open up the possibility that others may disagree with you. Having someone express displeasure or disagree with you is a new experience for you, and it can feel unsettling. You say to yourself, "Why is everyone suddenly resisting me or telling me I am wrong?" The simple answer is because for the first time you are actually sharing an opinion or making a decision that someone has an opportunity to disagree with!

Also, as you gain self confidence, you will recognize that you have the right to set personal boundaries about what people cannot do to you or around you. Suddenly you notice that people seem to be crossing your personal boundaries and this makes you feel worthless or unimportant. To the contrary, it simply means that you have now stepped up to set some personal boundaries and so you now notice when people cross them. This is a good thing!

4. Your inner critic gets louder

What is going on:

As you progress on a path of personal or professional growth, you notice in the early stages that things seem to be going well (sort of like losing those first few pounds of water weight on a diet). Then all of a sudden your inner gremlin starts screaming, "You can't possibly do this - are you nuts? This is stupid! This is too risky! What were you thinking?"

What you fear is happening - the common misinterpretation:

You mistake the voice of your inner gremlin for the voice of your inner wisdom and start feeling like you must be on the wrong track.

What is really happening:

This is a predictable pattern that happens between about week three and eight after the start of any self improvement project. It happens because change is not happening fast enough or because the thrill of your initial commitment has worn off. It happens at the point when you begin to realize that talking about taking action is one thing and actually taking action is another. The good news is that it means that you are making progress and moving past the initial excitement and adrenaline phase of the change process and moving on to the calmer and sustained part of the process. It is important to acknowledge to yourself that the changes you are trying to make are important and that the process of change is not linear. There will be ups and downs, plateaus, periods of great insight, periods when things happen quickly, and times when you feel stuck in the mud. This is all natural. And once you gain the perspective that this is all a normal part of the change process, you will be able to continue on with your forward progress and your gremlin will quiet back down.

The Bottom Line:

Any time you are on the path of change you will encounter "signs" and it is important to know how to interpret them correctly. Otherwise it is easy to get lost or head in the wrong direction. Learning to embrace and navigate the change cycle is a critical skill that will serve you well when you want to make future changes. I always love to ask my clients not just, "What did you do today?" but "What did you learn today?" Recognizing and capturing the life lessons along the way makes the journey both enlightening and lots more fun.

What is your point of view? Please post your thoughts on the discussion board.

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