We all experience negative emotions – to include anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, frustration, confusion and despair. And it seems that at times we “become” our emotions – we merge with them – we trust them – and we believe in our interpretation of them. These emotions can overwhelm us, drive our thoughts and behaviors, and cause us to feel, be, or do something we may come to know (either sooner or later) is not in our best interests. But have you ever considered the possibility that you might have the ability to banish (or at least significantly diminish) the power of negative emotions and even harness their power for your benefit? Let’s explore why it is possible and how to do so.

What are Emotions and Where do they Come From?

In order to take control of your emotions and turn them to your benefit it is first important to understand, at least at a very basic level, what they are and where they come from. But because there is no universally-accepted explanation of human emotions and multiple theories abound, I ask that as you read the below paragraphs you use your own internal wisdom to judge what feels true to you and what you might find useful. Simply ask yourself, “Is this true for me? Have I experienced this in my own life? Does this make sense?”

A Working Definition of Emotions

One definition states that, “an emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.” There are several key points embedded in this definition:

1. Emotions have a cognitive (or mental) element – they involve some level of judgment, evaluation or thought; they don’t just occur randomly – they are “about” something. This cognitive element may be conscious, semi-conscious (e.g., a “gut reaction”), or unconscious.


2. Emotions have a physiological basis – they relate to physical experiences and sensations in the body. Bodily responses are central to emotions. Some of the obvious physiological accompaniments of negative emotions are crying, the red face of anger, the churning stomach of fear, etc.


3. Emotions can affect our thoughts and behaviors.

Four Other Fascinating Findings about Emotions

Emotions are subjective:

Key theories about emotions state that emotions are subjective experiences – that is, they are experienced from an individual point of view. Different people can experience different emotions when exposed to the same physical stimuli. Thus for example, when faced with a roller coaster ride, or skydiving adventure one person might experience fear while a second might experience excitement or exhilaration. While bodily responses are central to emotions (i.e., we all experience various physical signs or symptoms that trigger the experience of emotions), nevertheless each of us have developed a somewhat “personal” link between the sensations we feel in our bodies under certain conditions, the emotional “label” we assign to these feelings (e.g., fear or excitement), and our interpretation of these feelings as positive or negative.

Emotions can be learned:

Following upon the above, it is clear that emotions can be “learned”. How each of us interprets our perception of the physical world and our internal physiological states can vary depending on how a given situation relates to our upbringing, our past experiences and our training. It has been demonstrated that even our gut feelings can be re-programmed by practice or experiences.

Emotions can have a social side:

How we react often depends on how others around us our reacting. You will know this to be true if you have ever observed how a young child who has fallen down looks to his parents to see how to react to the experience or seen how emotions such as fear or panic can spread in a crowd. These are just two examples of how the emotions we feel can be influenced by others.

Emotions can be influenced by our emotional dispositions:
The frequency and intensity of our emotional episodes can be influenced by our emotional dispositions. Emotional dispositions are similar to character traits in the sense that certain people may be generally disposed to experience certain emotions. For example an irritable person is generally disposed to feel irritation more easily or quickly than others.

How to Gain Control of your Emotions and Harness their Power

Once you understand the above attributes of emotions it becomes easier to harness the power of your emotions and to learn to observe, direct and use them. Here are the key steps in the process.

1. Learn to observe your emotions

The first key step in learning to control and use your emotions is to realize that you are separate from them. You can stand apart from, and observe, your emotions – they are not you. They come and go, they can shift in an instant, and they can even be contradictory - as when you appear to feel two ways about a person or a situation. An enlightening perspective is offered by Patrick Williams when he notes: “(My emotions) may swing from love to hatred, from calm to anger, from joy to sorrow, and yet my essence – my true natures – does not change. ‘I’ remain. Though a wave of anger may temporarily submerge me, I know that it will pass in time; therefore I am not this anger. Since I can observe and understand my emotions, and then gradually learn to direct, utilize, and integrate them harmoniously, it is clear that they are not my self. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions.”

You can learn to observe your emotions directly or indirectly. If you are a person who considers themselves “in touch” with their emotions and able to easily label them (e.g., anger, sadness, etc.) then sometimes all that is necessary is to pause your physical activity or mental chatter long enough to give yourself the space to fully notice your emotions at various times during the day. If you are the type of person that has difficultly “naming your emotions” then you can try a more indirect approach - by pausing to examine your physiological state – the sensations you are feeling in your body (e.g., I am feeling tension in my shoulders, an ache in my stomach, pressure in my head, an urge to cry) – before subsequently attempting to attach emotional labels to these sensations.

2. Relearn what emotions feel like

Many times people disown or shut down their emotions, and learn (either directly through training or indirectly through experience, pain, or trauma) to break the link between the physical sensations they experience in their body and the awareness of, and ability to label, an associated emotion. Their cognitive brain becomes disconnected from their emotional brain. Sometimes this link is broken unintentionally – for example when an individual consciously strives to shut off certain negative emotions (such as stress or grief), not realizing that they may be simultaneously degrading their ability to feel all emotions including a positive sense of joy and happiness. Once the link is broken it can be re-established, but it often requires some conscious effort to re-strengthen the neural pathways that allow awareness of bodily sensations to penetrate consciousness and to re-learn how constellations of physical sensations can be given emotional labels. This relearning process requires being willing to engage in doing a personal physical and emotional inventory – asking yourself “What am I feeling?” “What shall I call this?” and “What does it mean in this situation?”

3. Learn to use the information contained in your emotions

Once you have learned to notice your emotions they become an incredibly valuable source of information for you to use – alongside other sources of information such as the physical information you take in directly through your senses (sight, touch, smell, etc.) and the thought products of your conscious thinking processes. Emotions can be seen as just another information source – one that conveys considerable information about the importance you attach to someone or something and how negatively or positively you feel about it/them. Thus, when you experience an emotional reaction to someone or something, especially one that surprises you, you can benefit from being curious about that emotion – and asking yourself questions to provoke deeper inquiry such as, “What are my feelings about this and why is it so important to me?” You can use your emotions to judge your level of attachment to what is going on.

4. Learn to direct your emotions

Emotions can serve not just as a passive information source, but also as something you can learn to control. Because emotions can be learned they can also be unlearned or redirected. You can learn to attach new emotional labels to the physiological states you feel – such as learning to re-label the physiological symptoms associated with a rush of adrenaline as “excitement” rather than “fear”.

5. Learn to diffuse your emotions

Because both the body and mind are involved in emotions – it is possible to diffuse emotions by using one or the other or both: you can use your body to change your emotions, and you can use your mind to change them also. Thus, because emotions are triggered by our interpretations of certain bodily responses and sensations – by consciously taking action to change your bodily responses and sensations you can change your emotions. As a simple example, when adrenaline is spurring emotions of fear or anger these emotions can often be diminished through physical movement (e.g., walking, jogging) which dissipates the stress hormones thereby eliminating the emotional trigger. Conversely, because emotions involve subjective judgments or interpretations of the bodily states we sense it is also possible to “talk yourself out of emotions” such as by telling yourself, “This situation is not as threatening as it appears.”

Desensitization exercises can also sometimes be helpful in lessening the impact of negative emotions as the body learns over time to adapt to, and accept, certain situations that previously invoked massive physiological and emotional responses.

6. Learn to harness the energy of your emotions

Negative emotions perpetuate stuckness – but if you can partner with the emotion, figure out what is behind it, and then tap into the underlying energy it generates in your body you can often create forward movement. Thus for example, beneath anger and rage often lies massive passion about something or someone – after all, you don’t get worked up about something or someone you don’t care about. So if you can reconnect with that underlying passion you may be able to use it to refocus your energy in a positive direction. Ask yourself, “What is it that I am really passionate about here and how can I use the energy of this passion to help me move forward?” Another example might be the potent, but bottled-up energy contained in the emotion of frustration – sometimes that energy can be harnessed and used to blast you to the “next level” whether it is in a relationship, a business, or career. As a third example, you might be able to convert the energy of nervousness or anxiety into excitement or an urge to move.

The Bottom Line

Emotions, even negative ones, contain information and energy that can be very useful to you. If you understand what emotions are and where they come from, and learn the tools to direct, utilize, and dissipate them, you can harness their power and energy.

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