What do you tell yourself when something doesn’t work out the way you had hoped? Do you blame someone else – their attitude or their actions? Do you blame your environment, your upbringing, or fate? If you want to dramatically boost your sense of personal power and self esteem placing blame won’t help you. What will help is when you learn to “own your space.” Here’s why and how.

Blaming may feel good but it comes with a cost

Each time you say, “It’s not my fault” several things happen:

1. Your learning and growth stop dead
Once you have explained or justified a situation (to yourself or others) you naturally feel that you are off the hook – so there is little reason for further analysis, inquiry, or learning.

2. You place yourself at the mercy of random forces
If what happened to you is a result of “it” or “them” then clearly you are not a causal power in your life - you are simply a recipient or victim. While you can control your own thoughts and actions and intentions you cannot control those of others so apparent randomness prevails in your life when you remove yourself from the equation of causality.

3. You reinforce your sense of powerlessness
By blaming outside people or circumstances you may think you are proclaiming your own power and efficacy - after all by blaming others you are essentially asserting that it was not you who messed things up! But in reality you are undermining your own self esteem. You are in effect saying to yourself, “I don’t have the power to carry out my intentions. I could have done things faster or better (etc.) except other things/people got in the way and derailed me.” This is an acknowledgement that “they,” not you, had more power in the situation.

What does it mean to “own your space?”

It means telling yourself the following two things in all situations:

1. I accept responsibility for everything that happens in my space

2. What ever happens I will take care of it.


So what does it mean to “accept responsibility” for everything that happens in your space? And what is “Your Space?”

“Your Space” includes everything that happens to you or around you that affects you. Accepting responsibility for what happens in your space is an attitude and an orientation towards life. It means, among other things, that:

• You commit to notice/pay attention to what happens to you and around you and not ignore it.


• You set intentions for what you want to accomplish and the standards for yourself and others.


• When what shows up in your life is not what you want, instead of jumping in to blame “others” you ask yourself meaningful growth-inducing questions such as: “What could I have done differently that would have caused a different outcome?” Or “What would I want to do differently next time?”

• Trust your own judgment


• Believe in your ability to accurately assess situations and others


• Believe in your ability to take action


• Know clearly what you want and be able to communicate it to others


• Know how to set and defend your personal boundaries (so others don’t take advantage of you)


• Know how to hear and benefit from both positive and negative feedback so that you can learn, adjust, and move forward


• Have the ability to judge things for what they are – and not be unduly influenced by what happened to you in the past or by unfounded “assumptions”


• Have developed your intuitive sense and trust it


• Have confidence in your mental thought processes and ability to logically think things through


• Know how to respond when you get results you don’t like in your life – by recognizing “causes” in areas where you have some personal control; for example, by acknowledging: “I did not clearly formulate or articulate what I wanted,” or “I was not able to motivate people to do what needed to be done.”