For the other 50% who do realize that exploring what they want to do is a vital step in identifying a change that will be both long-lasting and fulfilling, they frequently come up against another roadblock – they have not asked themselves this question for such a long time that they have lost touch with their awareness of the answer. They are unsure of what they like and dislike. Many need help just rediscovering what brings them joy.

4. Many turn to spouses or close friends to help identify what changes they should make not realizing how these individuals’ opinions can be warped

It is not uncommon for people who know they are exceedingly unhappy in their current situation to be unclear as to what exactly the problem is, and what specifically they want to change. So they look to familiar sources for recommendations – a husband or wife or close friend. Unfortunately, the recommendation of those close to us can often be colored by their own needs or viewpoints and not send us in the right direction. Here is a good example. I worked with a client who told me that her husband had pinpointed the source of her “job problems” as arising from two key areas: she was a workaholic and she was a multi-tasker who never finished anything. So I asked my client if she considered herself a workaholic – her answer was a surprised, “No.” As we continued to talk she realized that she actually liked working hard. She was a manager and her husband was a teacher who was used to working only 9 to 5. His perception of what were normal work hours was completely different than hers. While her husband considered her a workaholic who needed to cut back her hours, this was not the core issue for her at all. Her husband also sited her multi-tasking as a key problem. So I again turned the question back to her – and asked if she considered herself a multi-tasker and if it was a problem for her. She agreed that she was a multi-tasker but, upon reflection, realized that she actually viewed her multi-talking capability as a skill that facilitated her project management role because it allowed her to keep multiple projects moving forward at the same time. It turned out that the real source of her unhappiness with her current job was that it was not a good match for her skills, abilities, and temperament, what she liked to do or how she worked best. She was right in sensing that she needed to make a change, but had she listened to her spouse’s assessment as to the source of her problems the changes she would have made would likely not have improved her situation.

5. About 40% need to shift what they are currently doing to be able to free up the time and mental bandwidth to make a larger change

Figuring out what you really want to do is not an easy task and it requires time and mental energy. Therefore, many life and career changers find it necessary to do one of the following to clear their heads and their schedules to focus on what is really important:

• Cut back on their commitment to their current jobs or relationships (sometimes this is simply a matter of scaling back from the 110% they are currently giving)
• Take steps to put things “in order” at their current jobs – to get prepared for an eventual departure
• Take a long vacation or a sabbatical
• Scale back their mental commitment to their current position (even if they do not scale back their physical time commitment)