Interesting Statistics on Life and Career Changers
Those who are contemplating, or in the process of making, major life or career changes often look at what they are experiencing and wonder, “Is this normal?” They ask themselves questions such as, “Does everyone spend countless hours thinking about the changes they want to make but shy away from actually taking the necessary steps?” “Is everyone as clueless as I am as to where to start or what process to follow to actually make it happen?” “Is it normal to start and stop a couple of times in the process?” Based on my experience of working with hundreds of life and career changers I would like to share seven observations I’ve made about the nature of the change process and common experiences that people have along the way.
1. Most people contemplate making a change long before they do anything about it
From my experience most people who end up making successful life or career changes don’t do so as the result of a snap decision. Most have been thinking about making a change for quite a long time – usually somewhere between one and three years. Often they have tried several times to talk themselves into making the change, for example by telling themselves one of the following:
- I am damaging my health by continuing to do what I have been doing
- I know I need to “get out” and I am only staying because I am weak or stupid
- My relationships are suffering because my job is consuming all my thoughts and my energy
- I simply can’t take it anymore
Other times, people will actually take some small steps – will step to the edge of making a major change – but then will step back again.
The good news is that all this “preparation” – this self-talk and shuffling forward and backward - is helpful in preparing the way for the final change. Deep in our hearts we have not abandoned the possibility of change – we have just put it on the shelf temporarily – and eventually the “right time” shows up.
2. Although the build-up may be slow, the shift to action happens when the time is right
When people come to me for help in navigating a major change one of the first questions I ask them is, “What makes this the right time for you to make this change?” Most will site some specific reason why they are finally ready – for example:
- “I can see the cycles coming faster and faster. I used to find myself burned out within 18 months of starting a new project – but now I am getting to the burn out point after only two or three months.”
- “I used to be a functional dysfunctional – I hated my job but could still do the work. Now I am unable to continue to force myself to do the work.”
- “For the first time I can actually see my health being negatively affected by my current situation.”
- “I am getting older and don’t want to find myself at age 40 (or 50 or 60) asking why I never had the courage to try another path.”
- “I can’t see myself doing the same thing for another year.”
Sometimes there are specific events that serve as a trigger. For example a senior manager shared the following with me: “I had been frustrated with my job for years and contemplated leaving many times but the final turning point came in one blinding instant. I was in a meeting with my boss and several other senior managers when my boss announced that our corporate headquarters was moving to another state and I was expected to lay off 20% of my staff. I was dumbfounded as this was all completely new information to me. I knew in that instant that I would leave.”
3. As many as 50% have never asked themselves, “What do I want to do?”
When looking to make a change people ask themselves many questions including, “What should I be doing?” or “What does my experience qualify me to do?” But they often neglect to ask themselves one of the most important questions, “What do I want to do?” One career changer I worked with put it very succinctly, “I used to think that the question of what I wanted to do was irrelevant.”
For the other 50% who do realize that exploring what they want to do is a vital step in identifying a change that will be both long-lasting and fulfilling, they frequently come up against another roadblock – they have not asked themselves this question for such a long time that they have lost touch with their awareness of the answer. They are unsure of what they like and dislike. Many need help just rediscovering what brings them joy.
4. Many turn to spouses or close friends to help identify what changes they should make not realizing how these individuals’ opinions can be warped
It is not uncommon for people who know they are exceedingly unhappy in their current situation to be unclear as to what exactly the problem is, and what specifically they want to change. So they look to familiar sources for recommendations – a husband or wife or close friend. Unfortunately, the recommendation of those close to us can often be colored by their own needs or viewpoints and not send us in the right direction. Here is a good example. I worked with a client who told me that her husband had pinpointed the source of her “job problems” as arising from two key areas: she was a workaholic and she was a multi-tasker who never finished anything. So I asked my client if she considered herself a workaholic – her answer was a surprised, “No.” As we continued to talk she realized that she actually liked working hard. She was a manager and her husband was a teacher who was used to working only 9 to 5. His perception of what were normal work hours was completely different than hers. While her husband considered her a workaholic who needed to cut back her hours, this was not the core issue for her at all. Her husband also sited her multi-tasking as a key problem. So I again turned the question back to her – and asked if she considered herself a multi-tasker and if it was a problem for her. She agreed that she was a multi-tasker but, upon reflection, realized that she actually viewed her multi-talking capability as a skill that facilitated her project management role because it allowed her to keep multiple projects moving forward at the same time. It turned out that the real source of her unhappiness with her current job was that it was not a good match for her skills, abilities, and temperament, what she liked to do or how she worked best. She was right in sensing that she needed to make a change, but had she listened to her spouse’s assessment as to the source of her problems the changes she would have made would likely not have improved her situation.
5. About 40% need to shift what they are currently doing to be able to free up the time and mental bandwidth to make a larger change
Figuring out what you really want to do is not an easy task and it requires time and mental energy. Therefore, many life and career changers find it necessary to do one of the following to clear their heads and their schedules to focus on what is really important:
- Cut back on their commitment to their current jobs or relationships (sometimes this is simply a matter of scaling back from the 110% they are currently giving)
- Take steps to put things “in order” at their current jobs – to get prepared for an eventual departure
- Take a long vacation or a sabbatical
- Scale back their mental commitment to their current position (even if they do not scale back their physical time commitment)
6. 90% have the gremlins show up three months into the change process
When making any kind of significant change in your life you can almost bet that about three months into the process your gremlins will emerge with a vengeance. These are the voices in your head that tell you:
- This is stupid, or too risky
- I won’t be able to do this
- What was I thinking of?
- I was never able to do this before why should I think I can do it now?
- I am not getting anywhere
7. At least 20% of people “go dark” during some part of the change process
Making significant changes in your life is a process. Some people navigate right from an old “stuck” phase into a new “go for it” phase where they can set new goals and make new commitments. Others require an intervening “cocooning” phase where they “go dark” and turn inward to tap into their core beliefs and values before they are ready to tackle anything new. Sometimes it is during this dark phase that old hurts from the past must be resolved or crippling emotional reactions must be dealt with. It is only after passing through this dark and quiet time that they are ready to move back into the light and complete the change process.
The Bottom Line
There is no right or wrong in navigating the process of change. Each person has their own unique needs and pace in the process. I offer the above observations only to provide a window into the variety and the commonality of what can occur when you embark on the path of change.