What is the problem with “Why”?

Not all “whys” are problematic. However, those that are trigger reactions in us that lead to negative consequences for our self esteem, our understanding of ourselves and our world, and our personal power. Whys can be a problem when they make us feel:

• We have to justify ourselves.
• Our reasons for what we do must be fully analytical and completely explainable.
• Our reasons need to be “good reasons” as judged by others.
• We feel that we need to change who we are so that we can give the proper responses to “Why?” questions.

The truth is that much of the time we simply don’t know exactly why we do things. Many of the things that motivate us in a particular situation are unconscious or multidimensional – we are moved by logic, emotion, physical sensation and myriad other forces. When we hear the “Why?” question we feel compelled to answer – which means that we feel forced to put into words something that may not be able to be captured in words. And in order to put our thoughts and experience and feelings into words we are forced to abstract and simplify. Once we hear ourselves speak our words of explanation, whether in our heads or out loud to another person, then we start to believe the restricted linear representation as the “truth” of the situation as opposed to simply a mere shell of the complexity of what is really going on.

When we are forced to answer the question “Why?” we start to believe our own answers and as a result we are diminished:

• Our intuition, which is multidimensional and not easily explained, is ignored because it does not support our ability to provide a “good reason” why we did something. We begin to see the world in a more analytical way – and lose touch with the feelings that could fuel our intuitive flashes.
• We give up our own personal power when we feel not only compelled to explain ourselves to others, but to make sure they agree with, and accept, our explanation.
• We limit what we do because our internal critic is always keeping us in line by asking “Why?” so that we make sure we have good explanations ready and available in case we are ever asked “Why?” by another.
• Our self esteem plummets as we become accustomed to interrogating ourselves over every thought, decision, and action. We lose the ability to act spontaneously without lengthy analysis and deliberation.
• We grow accustomed to experiencing the world through our words and explanations and lose our direct connection to the experience of sensation and feeling.