Releasing the River
Inside of you there is a river – a river of energy, thought, and creativity. It is meant to flow freely and effortlessly as your life force expresses itself in the world. Unfortunately, many times your river gets dammed up and the great flow of your life energy gets reduced to a trickle.
Your world becomes constricted and narrow and everything seems like an effort. It’s time to add some tools to your toolkit for unclogging that dam.
How do you know when your river is stalled?
Symptoms that show up when your river is stalled include the following:
- Everything seems like a chore – you are frequently in “robot” mode – operating out of habit not inspiration
- You question every decision you make
- Each night as to lay down in bed your mind wanders back to the same topics and worries that you have rehashed endlessly before
- You don’t say what you want to say to others – you form the words in your head but they don’t come out of your mouth
How to release the river
Below are 5 key steps I have found useful in helping free up your river of stalled thoughts and energy:
1. Release physical energy
When you are under stress you “contract”: you hold tension in your muscles and you breathe shallowly or hold your breath. This creates a feedback loop in your body. As humans we tell ourselves how we are feeling by how we act. If we see ourselves cry we think we are sad – if we hold tension in our muscles or hold our breaths we tell ourselves that we are stressed. Thus to break the pattern you must do the opposite:
- Breath – breathing tells us things are OK
- Release muscle tension – (e.g., through massage, yoga, motion, etc.) – by doing so you tell yourself, “I am not under threat.”
2. Clean up your energy sources
Ask yourself – what is it that creates the energy that fuels my thoughts and actions? For many the answer is adrenaline or stimulants (e.g., caffeine). These can work just fine in certain circumstances (short-term) but they are not long-lasting sustainable sources. Think of yourself as a gas guzzling carbon dioxide belching car that needs to switch to a cleaner burning sustainable energy source. What will it be? How about tapping into the following – inspiration (from books, quotes, other people, your own ideas or talents), passion, things you enjoy, other people’s energy and enthusiasm, a higher power? It doesn’t help to take steps to clear your energy pathways to allow your river of energy to flow freely if there is no energy within you to flow in the first place!
3. Break the second-guessing cycle
In much the same way that you create constrictive physical postures that become habitual and limiting you create mental habits that constrict the free flow of your creative energy. One of the most damaging habits is “second guessing” your decisions and actions. You get caught up in the “grass is greener” belief – so you hop over the fence to another pasture. As soon as you get there the pasture you just left starts looking pretty good. Your first reaction is to say to yourself, “Oh great – I just made another wrong decision.” I want to share with you two key steps that have helped many others break this cycle:
Step 1. As you are thinking through your decision or potential action ask yourself the following questions to help you make your decision:
What is the best possible outcome to all concerned if I make this decision or take this action?
What is the worst possible outcome to all concerned if I make this decision or take this action?
What is the best possible outcome to all concerned if I don’t make this decision or take this action?
What is the worst possible outcome to all concerned if I don’t make this decision or take this action?
Considering the “extremes” of possible outcomes (i.e., best and worse case scenarios) can help you stay out of muck of all the shades of grey. Consider your answers to the above questions and make a decision or take an action. Then follow up with Step 2.
Step 2. Accept the fact that there is no “perfect” decision or action.
One of the things that trips people up and initiates the second-guessing syndrome is the constant fear that they will make a “wrong” decision or take a “wrong” action. Try thinking of decisions and actions from a different perspective. Try thinking of every decision or action as moving you to a different place. Reconnoiter “where you are now” (i.e., after the decision or action) with new eyes. What new possibilities are available given your new “location”? What new options are now open to you? Forget about worrying whether where you are is “right” or “wrong” – it’s just “different.” Point your eyes and your mind to the path ahead – in most cases moving forward is much more productive then standing still contemplating the action your have just completed or moving backward.
4. Get into action
Action releases energy allowing your thoughts and intention to be expressed in the world. There are several types of actions that work well in restarting the flow of your river of life energy:
- Actions that lead to completion
- Actions that change your bodily state
- Actions that decrease the likelihood of future contractive reactions
Actions that change your bodily state are those that stimulate the senses or increase your metabolism. New sights, sounds or smells invoke physiological changes in your state of being as does doing things that raise your heart and breathing rate (think physical activity, listening to heart pounding musical rhythms, or watching thrilling TV shows or movies).
Actions that decrease the likelihood of future contractive reactions include those that involve “clean up” or clutter removal. What happens when you walk by a pile of unopened bills on your desk or continuously open an overfull email inbox? You have a physical and emotional reaction – you tense up and contract. Doing this over and over causes these physical contractive reactions to become habitual. So high on your list of priority actions to take should be cleaning up or eliminating things that serve as contractive triggers. Identify the particular triggers that you encounter every day and get rid of them.
5. Let your words flow freely
One of the surest ways to dam up your energy is to break the link between thought and speech. Thoughts and emotions create energy. That energy when turned inward and held inside can not only be corrosive – it establishes a habitual constricted energy pattern: Think, feel, generate energy – stop. Think, feel, generate energy – stop. To open up the flow it is important to practice expressing your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes what it takes is simply learning some simple new communication tools that allow you to say what you want in a way that you feel comfortable with. Here are two simple but useful tools:
Tool 1: When you want to ask someone to do something that feels important to you but difficult to say (for example, if you want to ask someone to stop criticizing you, making jokes about your weight, or interrupting you) try using the following sequence:
“Do you realize that you are x, y, z (describe the offending behavior)?”
“I ask that you stop (describe the offending behavior).”
The phrasing “I ask that you…” is very effective and usually heard and understood without causing a reaction in the other person.
Tool 2: How to say “No.” A common habitual pattern is to say “yes” when inside you are saying “no” to a particular request that someone makes of you. Here again, sometimes all it takes to reestablish a free flowing link between your thoughts and words is a simple tool – a way to say “no” that feels comfortable. Try Googling “how to say no” for a wealth of ideas. You can also visit www.personalandbusinesssuccess.com for 10 top ways to say, “No.” Then pick one or more that feels right and give it a try in a non-threatening situation. With practice you can end the restrictive practice of not saying exactly what you mean.
Bottom Line
It can be useful to envision your life energy as a river and the contractive mental and physical patterns that you create and perpetuate as the debris that creates a dam in your system. Contractive thoughts and actions constrict your world, your thinking, and your available range of actions. The opposite of contracting and constricting is expansion. To release your river and reconnect with your energy think expansion – be expansive in your breathing, your physical movements, your thinking and your speaking. Get rid of the debris that dams your personal river, release it and let it flow.