Originally Published in The NY Enterprise Report, May 1, 2008

A business owner and mother of three shares her struggle to adapt to domestic duties after her stay-at-home husband returns to work

My husband, John, recently returned to work after spending the last 10 years raising our three sons and caring for my elderly and disabled father. He took his role very seriously and made it look very easy — food shopping, laundry, cooking (great cook!), dry cleaning, school trips, Little League, lacrosse practice, football practice…should I go on? He cared for my dad — fed him three meals a day, took him to his doctor’s appointments, gave him his medication and more.

Being the CEO of an IT staffing company in New York City has been my main focus, and having the peace of mind knowing my husband was at home holding down the fort has been essential to my success. But since my dad passed away and my youngest son is now in the first grade, John went back to work in the construction industry in January. Well, to say the transition has been a challenge for me is an understatement.

Week 1: On John’s first day back, he takes the 5:30 a.m. train to Manhattan. I must now get the boys — ages 7, 12 and 14 — to school. By 7 a.m., they are washed, dressed and packed for school. I think to myself, “I’ve got this totally under control. I can do this.” So why are they standing in the kitchen staring at me? “Mom, what’s for lunch?” Lunch? “Don’t you buy lunch at school?” I ask. “I heard they are making the lunches healthy now.” The boys’ response: “Dad always makes us our lunch.” Think quickly. “Can you buy lunch? How much will this cost me?” I ask. My 14-year-old son says $4. Where else can you get a sandwich and drink for $4? Sold. Easy. Problem solved.

However, John’s acclimation wasn’t completely smooth. During his first commute, John walks up to the subway station booth and tries to buy one token. The MTA agent tries to explain that he will have to buy a single-ride Metrocard from the machine. “When did they do away with singleride tokens?” asks John. “Where have you been?” asks the agent. After missing three subways, he finally gives in and buys a Metrocard from the machine.

Week 2: One evening after a long day of playing CEO and chauffeur to the kids and cooking dinner, my first grader says, “Mom, you don’t really work. Dad works.” “What do you mean?” I ask. “Well, no offense Mom, but you check your BlackBerry and take people to lunch,” he says. “Dad comes home dirty and tired, that’s WO RK!” No offense taken. I have always tried very hard not to bring the stress of work home, so I will take that comment as a compliment. However it looks like a trip to Mom’s office is well overdue!