Most people have heard the common wisdom that if you discover and align with your strengths you will be productive and successful. This belief comes with other corollaries including the following:

• You will excel by maximizing your strengths, not fixing your weaknesses; therefore you should spend your energy on building and honing your strengths

• It is ideal if you can create a role for yourself that draws on your strengths every day

As a Coach I know that there is a great deal of truth to the above concepts – but I also know their traps. It is not uncommon for what you believe to be your strengths to work against you. Here’s why and how:

1. All strengths are not created equal

The very nature of the word “strength” has a positive feel to it – we associate strength with being “strong”, with power and vigor. We think that the opposite of strength is weaknesses and impotence. Because we perceive strengths to be advantageous we set out to develop as many of them as we can. But all strengths will not necessarily serve you equally well. First it is important to recognize that there are strong cultural biases as to what are considered strengths. Whereas in one culture assertiveness, decisiveness and direct communication may be valued, in another culture the qualities of equanimity, empathy, a sensitive nature and indirect communication are preferred. Many people strive to develop characteristics that they have been culturally indoctrinated to believe are “good” without considering whether they fit with their own core values, beliefs, personality and physiology.

2. Certain strengths can pull you in the wrong direction

How do you decide what your strengths are? Interestingly most people rely on others to tell them what their strengths are – they feel incapable of identifying their own strengths or uncomfortable relying on their own judgment as to what they do well. But there is a problem with listening to others. While it is quite true that others can often pinpoint with great accuracy what you do exceptionally well – what they cannot tell you is whether you enjoy doing that particular thing. Just because you are good at something does not necessarily mean you enjoy doing it, and continuously forcing yourself to do it can have negative consequences. This is especially true with certain strengths such as perseverance and responsibility. Thus, for example, having the “strength” of perseverance can cause you to push yourself to excel in all circumstances and at any cost – ignoring other elements of your well being such as your health and happiness. As another example, feeling “responsible” for everything and everyone around you can cause you to take on burdens that not only weigh you down but also disempower others around you.
As a society we have begun to acknowledge the “dark” side of certain strengths – such as acknowledging the concept of “perfectionism” as being a potentially negative aspect of a positive commitment to excellence. But there are many other strengths that can damage your life if they do not fit with the other aspects of who you are (with your physical endurance, desires for balance in your life, etc.), whose potentially harmful affects have not yet been widely acknowledged. We all tend to unconsciously accept the notion that if something is “good” then having “more” of that good thing is better. With strengths that is not always true. Sometimes it is essential for the sake of your sanity, personal enjoyment, and health to temper your application of some of your strengths and to recognize that it is OK to do so.

The strengths that can be the most potentially damaging are those that consume massive amounts of energy – such as a tendency toward perfectionism, absolute commitment, and dogged perseverance. They can force you past your natural energy limits into exhaustion, and deplete not only your physical energy but also your mental, emotional, and spiritual energy as well. They can cause you to hyperfocus to the exclusion of other critical elements of your life and relationships.

3. Strengths become part of your identity

Our natural strengths tend to show themselves early in life and typically draw admiration from others even when we are children. Thus we grow up with an intuitive sense that these strengths are a part of who we are. When we are continuously rewarded or recognized for these strengths we will naturally strive to apply them more and more often until they become part of our unconscious identity. Once we begin to identify with our strengths it becomes very hard not to apply them in all situations and under all circumstances, or to rein them in in any way.

4. People often recognize your strengths and use them against you

What boss would not love to have an employee who is totally committed, ultra responsible and who perseveres no matter what the assignment or challenge? We as humans tend to have a natural ability to recognize strengths in others and to exploit these strengths, even if we do so unconsciously or with no mal intent. Thus if you have such strengths (e.g., commitment, responsibility, perseverance) it will not be uncommon for you to find yourself being given more and more responsibility and/or tougher assignments, or being counted on in crunch situations to pull things through. Because your natural tendency is to apply your strengths full force in all situations this can create havoc with your work/life balance and your health.
The Bottom Line

So what is the answer? Ignore your strengths? Certainly not. But what you can do is to recognize the potential for your strengths to work against you in some circumstances and to try the following:

• Expand your definition of “strength” to include not only “what you do well” but also “what you enjoy and can apply in a sustainable manner.”

• Recognize that others can only tell you what you do well – they can’t identify for you which strengths provide you with intrinsic enjoyment or those that you can apply consistently and happily without depletion. Only you can define the strengths that will serve you well and energize you.

• Be on guard so that you recognize when others are attempting to exploit your strengths. In such situations it will be especially important for you to set your boundaries clearly and concisely so that you are not taken advantage of.

Remember strengths are things that you naturally do - but some feel good in their application and some don’t. We are all different in what feels good – so it is important to learn to differentiate strengths that have only one element (they come naturally to you) from those that contain both essential elements - they come naturally AND they feel good to apply.