For some, speaking to new people at all is very difficult. If that is true for you, consider writing down ideas, discussion topics, even a script, and practicing. These are skills that do not come naturally to everyone. Treat that as a challenge, not as an excuse. As I say to my children when they come looking to me make everything better: that’s your problem, what’s your plan?

A tip that is easy to work into your day is simply to go to meetings early and stay late. If you are slipping in just as or just after the meeting starts, or slipping out as soon as it ends, you are missing an opportunity to spend relaxed moments conversing and connecting.

Even simple, rote exchanges can make a difference. When meeting someone for the first time and they are explaining what they do, ask “how would I recognize a client for you?” This helps them crystallize their work and expresses interest on your part to help them, not just yourself. Be prepared to answer the question as well.

The familiar hallway exchange of “How are you?” is an opportunity to connect. Instead of replying with the automatic and dead-ending “fine”, deliver a message about yourself and offer something for further conversation. For example, my current response is – “I am doing great! I just started a new project on strategic alliances that I am very excited about...” Deliver positive energy, which always attracts people, and information you want them to have.

Conferences should be planned ahead of time for connection opportunities. They aggregate or bring together people that you may want to meet. Who are they? Look at the speakers list and reach out for an appointment ahead of time. Participate in, or better yet organize, Special Interest Groups (SIGs) or dinners. Be an organizer or offer help at the conference, but make sure it is more advantageous to you than stuffing envelopes. At the Q&A session, have a well formed and insightful question. Physically position yourself where the action is to increase your interaction with others. Have your conversation starters ready!

Plan small steps that will build your confidence. If you want to meet the CEO of your company, build your skills and confidence by starting a few rungs lower in the organization, and be prepared every step of the way. Don’t be intimidated by hierarchy, as top level executive Jana Schreuder of Northern Trust points out. “Senior level people are surprised when others are hamstrung by it.”

Do your homework and find the connection. Track the interests of those you want to meet and use it, if you share that passion, to connect. For example, if Mr. X is on board Y and you are interested in that board, approach him regarding board Y. Create a script and practice. Approach with sincerity and curiosity, and think long-term.

Building social capital does not come easily for many. By creating a strategic plan and working it incrementally, you can move forward in meaningful ways. What have you found to be effective? Please share your ideas and strategies with an email to mcook@ageos1.com

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

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