What is really going on in these situations?

In the ultimate sense when you are in a state of confusion it simply means that things are not going as you wanted or expected – that the mental model and framework you created for your life is no longer working and that you need a new one. Tasks, jobs, careers, relationships that once formed the pleasing stable boundaries and structures of your life may have become too familiar, or too repetitive, or too boring, or for whatever reason just no longer “fit” with who you are or who you are becoming. This is neither bad nor good, right or wrong – it just is.

Why is confusion necessary and good?

If you are to continue to learn and grow and move from one phase of your life to the next, it is essential that you enter into the interim phase of confusion on your journey. As Bandler and Grinder explained in their book ReFraming, “Confusion is the doorway to reorganizing your perceptions and learning something new. If you were never confused, that would mean that everything that happened to you fit your expectations, your model of the world, perfectly. Life would simply be one boring, repetitive experience after another. Confusion is a signal that something doesn’t fit, and that you have a chance to learn something new.”

How can you get through it?

There are several tools that can help you move though natural periods of confusion to get to the other side. Here are just a few:

• Recognize when you are in a state of confusion

Many people feel the feelings that accompany a state of confusion (tension, worry, disorientation, etc.) but never actually recognize what is happening or give it a name. Sometimes it helps to say, “I am confused at the moment and it is okay that I don’t know all the answers just yet.”

• Recognize that being confused is a natural and even helpful stage that offers you an opportunity to learn something new

Because your old mental model and belief structures are breaking down you have the opportunity to notice and pay attention to new things – things that might not have come into your awareness given your old model of the world. If you are open to new ideas, new experiences, and new points of view, you may find that these can become critical elements for building the foundation of your new life.

• Keep moving forward