Of course there are some situations that occur where we simply must react in the moment and can’t control “when” we respond or “how” – but there are literally hundreds of other cases where we can. And when you are willing to take charge of the “when” and the “how” in the situations where you can – you lessen your stress level, prevent future crises, and free up time and energy to be able to handle the unexpected more calmly. Here are some simple examples to illustrate the concept:

• You get a call from your child’s school telling you that your child is sick and you must come immediately. Of course you need to respond to this request in the moment. But as you get into your car you discover that your car is almost completely out of gas. Now your stress level really starts to rise. You know that you will have to find a gas station and take the time to fill up the gas tank and this will cost you precious time. In this situation you simply must get gas in the moment – but is this something you could have taken care of before hand? Could you have taken control of “when you get gas?” in your life? The answer is, “Yes.” There is a simple change that you can make in your life that can reduce stress in the area of “gas getting” forever. All you need to do is to change your trigger point for when you get gas from “when the car is running on fumes” to “when the car is half empty.”


• It’s the end of the month and you have several unpaid bills. You really want or need to go shopping for dinner but the bills simply can’t wait any longer – they need to be paid right now! Again you have to react – and your stress level rises. You are not setting your schedule; it is being dictated to you because of actions that you did not take earlier. In contrast, suppose you decided to make it your policy to pay all of your bills as they come in. Not in haste, but within a few days after they arrive. With this small change you take control of the “when” and effortlessly head off future situations where you are forced to react in a panic.


• Let’s suppose you notice that you are down to your last roll of toilet paper – now that’s something that needs to be fixed pretty quickly! So you drive to the store immediately and buy one or two rolls. Here again in this situation you were forced to take action not at a time of your choosing. And the time you spend driving to buy this needed roll is “extra” time that you would not have had to spend if you had bought the toilet paper during your regular shopping trip. That’s the “when” side of the equation. But the “how” is also important. How do you buy the needed toilet paper? When you are reacting to a “crisis” chances are you only think about the immediate need – so you buy one or maybe two rolls. You don’t tend to think or plan ahead to buy the 10 or 20 rolls that you could keep on hand to prevent future crises – because you are not in “planning mode” you are in “reacting mode.” So by your actions you inadvertently set the stage for a potential future “crisis” since you will soon run out again.

The common point behind these stories is that when you allow yourself to be driven by circumstances around you – by crises that require your immediate attention – you end up constantly being in reactive mode. And when you are in reactive mode you tend to feel a great deal of stress, and “only do what’s necessary in the moment to solve the problem” rather than responding in a way that allows you to naturally and effortlessly prevent future problems. When you learn to take control of When you do things and How you do things your life can change dramatically for the better.