“Agh! I am so busy and stressed out! I have no time and it seems that I am always running around like a crazy person! Can you give me one or two simple tools, one or two simple concepts, or tell me one or two simple things I can do differently that will make things better?”
I hear this plea all the time – and the good news is the answer is YES. Yes there are two simple things that you can do that will make a tremendous difference in how much time you have available and how much stress you experience: 1. Take control of the “when,” and 2. Take control of the “how.”
What Does It Mean to “Control the When and the How?”
Let’s start by drawing an important distinction between “controlling the what” and “controlling the when and the how.” In each of our lives there are lots of things that need to get done – these are the “whats” - what we have to do. For example, we need to eat, shop, work, pay bills, drive the kids around, etc. The “whats” are the things that end up on your To Do list. Each of us has our own list of “whats” and it would be unrealistic for me to tell you that to create more time in your day or to lessen your stress level all you need to do is simply “take control of the whats – just drop some of them – don’t do them.” The problem is that most likely you have already tried this route – you have tried to pare back your To Do lists as far as you can (usually by dropping all of the pleasurable “whats” that you would actually like to do!) Yet even with your most paired down list you are likely still overwhelmed. So what can you do? Get control of the When and the How.
Controlling the When and the How means simply taking control of When you do things (i.e., controlling the timing) and How you do things (how you respond). And as simple minded as this sounds – it can make an unbelievable difference in your life.
Much of the time we unconsciously adopt the approach that, “I will take care of things when I need to.” We do everything on a “demand” basis – on a reactive basis. What ever gets to the top of our list of priorities – what ever seems the most urgent in the moment - gets our attention. But that means we are always operating in a sort of crisis mode. And when we are in a crisis or reactive mode we tend to do just the minimum that is required and no more – we get very focused on just getting through it - just doing “the one thing” that is screaming at us to get done.
Of course there are some situations that occur where we simply must react in the moment and can’t control “when” we respond or “how” – but there are literally hundreds of other cases where we can. And when you are willing to take charge of the “when” and the “how” in the situations where you can – you lessen your stress level, prevent future crises, and free up time and energy to be able to handle the unexpected more calmly. Here are some simple examples to illustrate the concept:
- You get a call from your child’s school telling you that your child is sick and you must come immediately. Of course you need to respond to this request in the moment. But as you get into your car you discover that your car is almost completely out of gas. Now your stress level really starts to rise. You know that you will have to find a gas station and take the time to fill up the gas tank and this will cost you precious time. In this situation you simply must get gas in the moment – but is this something you could have taken care of before hand? Could you have taken control of “when you get gas?” in your life? The answer is, “Yes.” There is a simple change that you can make in your life that can reduce stress in the area of “gas getting” forever. All you need to do is to change your trigger point for when you get gas from “when the car is running on fumes” to “when the car is half empty.”
- It’s the end of the month and you have several unpaid bills. You really want or need to go shopping for dinner but the bills simply can’t wait any longer – they need to be paid right now! Again you have to react – and your stress level rises. You are not setting your schedule; it is being dictated to you because of actions that you did not take earlier. In contrast, suppose you decided to make it your policy to pay all of your bills as they come in. Not in haste, but within a few days after they arrive. With this small change you take control of the “when” and effortlessly head off future situations where you are forced to react in a panic.
- Let’s suppose you notice that you are down to your last roll of toilet paper – now that’s something that needs to be fixed pretty quickly! So you drive to the store immediately and buy one or two rolls. Here again in this situation you were forced to take action not at a time of your choosing. And the time you spend driving to buy this needed roll is “extra” time that you would not have had to spend if you had bought the toilet paper during your regular shopping trip. That’s the “when” side of the equation. But the “how” is also important. How do you buy the needed toilet paper? When you are reacting to a “crisis” chances are you only think about the immediate need – so you buy one or maybe two rolls. You don’t tend to think or plan ahead to buy the 10 or 20 rolls that you could keep on hand to prevent future crises – because you are not in “planning mode” you are in “reacting mode.” So by your actions you inadvertently set the stage for a potential future “crisis” since you will soon run out again.
What Specifically Can I Do to “Control the When and the How?”
Here are three examples of simple things you can do to begin to take control of the When and the How:
1. Change your trigger points (an example of controlling the “when”)
Don’t buy things when you are down to the last one - reset your mental “purchase trigger” to activate when you have a week’s or a month’s supply on hand.
Resetting your purchase triggers has several advantages:
- You never have to buy things in crisis mode (which reduces stressful situations).
- You save time and energy (and gasoline) because when you plan your buying in advance (with plenty of time to spare) you have the flexibility to consolidate trips to the store. You simply keep a list of the things you are running out of and then pick them up on the next planned trip.
- Your schedule is dictated by you – not by external things that demand your attention and require your immediate action.
Clearly buying in bulk can save money and cut down on the number of trips you need to make so you can shop less often – which in itself frees up time. But even beyond that – there is a different mind set that sets in when you have “more than enough” of things on hand. You begin to get a feeling of abundance and ease. As silly as it sounds, when you have only one roll of toilet paper, or one box of Kleenex, or one box of cereal in the cabinet there is often an unconscious sense of unease and “lack” that sets in. Each time you see this “one item” you say to yourself consciously or unconsciously, “I am about to run out” (which is itself a mini-stressful thought). When you see a full cabinet each time you open it you feel “full” and at ease.
3. Consciously choose when to respond (another example of controlling the “when”)
There are lots of people and situations vying for your attention each minute of the day. Some may be important to respond to in the moment (for example, your boss who walks into your office and asks you a question) but most you can control if you choose to. For example, you can choose when to check your email or when you set appointments. Unfortunately, much of the time we simply react spontaneously to external stimuli – we see a new email appear in our inbox and we feel compelled to read it. Consciously choosing when to respond versus constantly allowing yourself to be interrupted increases your efficiency (and thus saves time). There are numerous studies that show that multi-tasking (as you are doing when you allow frequent interruptions) is counterproductive.
Bottom Line
Once you get the hang of controlling the “when” and the “how” of what you do I suspect you will be able to identify multiple opportunities to do so. But even if you only apply one or two of the techniques I described above, I believe you will experience significant benefits. Time and energy are so precious – isn’t it worth trying some new tools to make the most of what you have? Just saving a few extra minutes in your day can clear the time and space for you to do more of the things you enjoy and to notice opportunities that may pass under the radar when you are heads-down in reactive mode. You may not be able to control the all the “whats” in your life, but there is a good chance you can proactively control the “when” and the “how.”