by Carolyn Leighton-Tal (carolyn@witi.com)
Founder and Chairwoman
WITI
I spent some time thinking about the direction of my column for this year and decided I wanted to change the focus.
I have been struggling to understand why I was so unhappy with my writing these past few months, and realized I was falling into the trap of focusing on what I thought people wanted, rather than talking about topics for which I am passionate. So, as I launch this first column in the year 2000, I resolve to write and talk from the soul - because it is only at this level of communication that will fuel our collective search for a better, more centered understanding of all issues.
I have always loved thinking deeply about things that intrigue me - I often work puzzles in my head, some of them for years at a time. Although I think of so many different things, my overriding passion since I was a very young girl has been to gain a deep psychological understanding of people and groups.
I am currently working on a puzzle and would appreciate your feedback, since it's so important to consider every possible facet.
I had an interesting conversation several days ago with a woman working closely with a high-profile executive woman in technology. She confided to me how painful it has been to see this accomplished woman continuously attacked by other women (often in the press) - in proportion, it seemed, to her meteoric rise.
She felt that these women were jealous because the person they were attacking was beautiful, smart and had become very wealthy. She added that she thought this kind of jealousy was a natural feeling among women. My response was that I believed jealousy to be more of a reflection of unresolved conflicts from our childhood.
As I thought about this discussion, I realized this is a topic I want to delve into, since it is an issue that has been raised since WITI started 10 years ago. It is also mentioned repeatedly been by women attending WITI events.
There seems to be a split among the women I meet - those who operate on the belief system that they will have more if others have less; and those of us who believe we will all have more if we contribute to others having more.
We have all experienced jealousy of some kind. I certainly did, growing up with five brothers and five sisters. Given the fact that it's the beginning of a new year, a new century and a new millenium, I think this is a perfect time for all of us to make serious progress.
One of my favorite coaches taught me that the first step towards changing behavior requires shifting the belief system upon which this behavior is based. So try giving more instead of less for the next 30 days to those you tend to not support - find out for yourself if "the more you give, the more you get" really works. I personally believe it's much tougher to succeed without the support of others; that you cannot win that support unless you give it. Anyway, it so much more satisfying knowing you have directly contributed in positive ways to other people's lives.
To end with a quote from one of my favorite WITI women, Anne Gingras Silver, who told me the first time I met her several years ago, "When I meet people, I focus on our similarities, not our differences."
Let me know what you think and Happy New Year!
