by Carolyn Leighton-Tal (carolyn@witi.com)
Founder and Chairwoman
WITI
Based on the responses to my last column, lack of support from other women in our work environment clearly touched a nerve. I thought you would find some of these responses interesting:
- "If we had more women leaders in our society, women wouldn't feel so threatened by successful women ..." (Becky)
- "... my approach to maintaining control in this situation is to walk away from them, minimize their importance in my activity, and focus on what's important to ME." (Norma)
- "Imagine what a great place the world would be if everyone contributed fully to everyone else." (Robin)
- Most prejudice is based on differences - not on what we have in common. I believe it is a fear of these differences - a fear of the unknown and an insecurity with our own belief system. That
is, if we are secure with ourselves, we can more easily honor our
differences and be aware of how these differences can enhance our joint
experience ..." (Karen)
- "I think with woman, it may be the case that they are so used to being supportive to a male figure that switching gears may be difficult. I also think it is a mind-set change ..." (Vanessa)
- "I agree with your comments, and would like to add my philosphy, which is do unto others as you would have them to unto you. I always try and treat people equally and kindly. Sometimes I feel, though, that because of my age (i'm over 50) I have to prove myself even more." (C.D.)
I don't believe jealousy has anything to do with gender - it reflects unresolved conflicts of our early childhood. I believe that the women who get along best with other women generally had strong relationships with a significant woman (mothers, grandmothers) early in life, while those who don't experienced competition and conflict. This is equally true with men - I speak with some authority, having grown up in a "human laboratory" with 5 brothers and 5 sisters.
I also don't want to give the false impression that I love all women (or men). In fact, those who know me know that I have very strong likes and dislikes, as all of us do. There are always people for which we feel hate, love, friendliness and apathy (why is it that some people seem to evoke such strong, negative feelings before a word is hardly spoken, while others do the complete opposite?).
One of the biggest challenges to our emotional maturity is to not play out these unresolved conflicts in a way that sabotages our own efforts and our relationships. This requires self-discipline and a daily commitment to self-awareness and internal growth.
In my next column I would like to explore would like to look at another facet of this issue - negotiating win/win deals vs. win/lose deals. What are your experiences and observations? Are those who engage in win/lose philosophies automatically part of the "I can only have more if you have less" mentality or can both characteristics reside in the same person? I am looking forward to your feedback in our continuing search for a centered perspective and a better understanding of all issues.
